In the consolation game it will be the winless (0-3) D-Funk Allstars taking on the 1-2 Pistolwhippers. That game is followed by the DDG Championship game between the 2-1 Devil’s Night Dames vs. the 3-0 Detroit Pistoffs.

The games are at the usual location in the Drill Hall at the Masonic Temple in downtown Detroit, MI. Doors open at 6pm, first game starts at 7pm.

Consolation Game: D-Funk Allstars vs. Pistolwhippers

The D-Funk Allstars have had a tough season, losing four veteran skaters to other teams in the off-season. But captain Black Eyed Skeez has recruited some new skaters (aka “Fresh Meat”) and has gone about the business of rebuilding the team. Plusses for the Allstars are getting assistant captain (asscap) Cat’s Meow back from maternity leave, Fanny Pack out of retirement, plus Tiny Ninja has returned to the team.

A big minus for the consolation game is the loss of jammer Polly Fester and blocker Juicy Contusion to injury. Veterans Ima Wrecker, Damsel Distresser, and Barberika, join with relative fresh meats boo d. livers, Eight Mile Rose, Fatal Femme, Head Trauma (a transfer from Minnesota), Roxanna Hardplace, and Seoul Slayer along with the others for this game. Can boo d. livers repeat her MVP 37 point performance as a jammer in her most recent game with the Motor City Disassembly Line?

The D-Funk would like to end their rocky season on a winning note, so fans can be assured they’ll lay it all out on the line for this game.

This game is the last chance for the Pistolwhippers to skate as the DDG Champions of 2007, as they will have to relinquish that superb “Martini Girl” trophy to the winner of the championship game. You know the Pistolwhippers want to end the season like they were the champs.

The Whippers are led by captain Honey Suckit and asscap Killbox, both of whom missed some mid-season time due to injuries. Honey is one of the league’s premier jammers, while Killbox is the “most feared” two-way player in the DDG. A veteran cadre of skaters joins them in their pursuit of victory. Del Bomber, Diesel Doll and Cold Fusion lead the blocking, while Kat Von D’Stroya will join Honey and Killbox jamming. Bytch Ryder, Cassie Corridor, Elle Iminator, Holly Crap!, Malice Cooper, Slamher O’Guinness, and Ypsi Dazey round out the roster. Blocker Sass Knuckles is lost to injury.

Have the D-Funk’s fresh meat marinated enough to bring them victory? Or will the Pistolwhippers overcome the youthful Allstars yet again?

Championship Game: Devil’s Night Dames vs. Detroit Pistoffs

The Devil’s Night Dames were the runners-up to the Pistolwhippers in 2007; this year the Dames would prefer to be the bride instead of the bridesmaid. The Dames lost to the Pistoffs in the regular season by only 5 points in a defensively oriented game. Have the Dames made the adjustments needed in order to overcome the Pistoffs stingy defense in the championship game?

The Dames offense starts with Racer McChaseHer, who holds most every jamming record in the DDG. Captain Rock Candy and Summers Eve-L and possibly Vicious Vixen can be counted on to jam some, too. The Dames defense is anchored by asscap Lady Macdeath. Mainstays of the defense are also Rock and Summers and Vicious, along with Whiskey Soured and Loretta Synn. Somewhere along the way, other skaters from amongst Dire Skates, Cannibal Queen, Naughty Nikita, Nice-n-Sleazy, Starlight Scarbright will have to contribute. From amongst this latter group, only Dire has substantial derby experience. The Dames are without Crash Baby, Lefty Lucy, and Shear Terror due to injuries.

The Detroit Pistoffs won the DDG championship in 2006, but failed to make it back to the championship game in 2007, so they’re hungry for another title. The Pistoffs are led by captain Cookie Rumble, who holds many of the league’s blocking records. Cookie is backed up by a wrecking crew of asscap Bikini Killer, Elle McFearsome, Smashing Darling, and Rude Awakening. Pistoffs jamming will be led by Effin’ Money (MVP of the Pistoffs recent “pre-match” win versus the Dames).

When not blocking, Cookie, Rude, and Elle all can jam effectively. Vega Vendetta has been a super jammer in the past, but seems to be used more as a blocker these days, although it’s likely she’ll see more jams as a jammer than a blocker in this game. Adding to the mix are vets Bruisie Siouxxx and Wanda Throwdown and fresh meat Justass and Maim West. The Pistoffs will be missing Deadly Dose, Devil Kitty, and Violet-n-Deed due to the injury bug.

The question for the championship game is this: Can the Pistoffs once again contain Racer McChaseHer and the Dames whilst also getting some offense from their own jammers? Or will the Dames crack the vaunted Pistoffs defense and turn the game into a wide-open scoring affair? A defensive game favors the Pistoffs, an offensive game favors the Dames. In any event, if you don’t already have a ticket you’re probably out of luck as this game is basically sold out!

Photos: Colin J. (Skeez & Rollson), Brian Mitchell (Effin’ Money)

The results of these games will no doubt be of particular interest to derby fans, as the #10, #11 and #12 ranked teams in the nation will all be battling it out with each other (that’s Bay Area, Portland and Minnesota, respectively) in bouts that will surely shed some light on their relative abilities. 24th-ranked Houston and hosting, as-yet-unranked OC will also get in on the action.

Saturday’s marquee bout is probably the 3:30pm opener of 11th-ranked Rose City vs. 12th-ranked Minnesota — neither team has played an all-star bout this calendar year but both bring a lot of history and talent to the floor. Rose City rolled over Charm City, 126-37, in November 2007, while Minnesota lost a nailbiter to the same Charm City, 73-69, a month later in December. However, Minnesota had split their all-star squad for a doubleheader that night, with the other half of their players going up against Arizona, while Rose City had gone with their top 14, so it’s debatable as to how much the Charm City results can illuminate the possible outcome of this match.

Two major high-level bouts will take place on Sunday, as 10th-ranked Bay Area goes up against Rose City at noon and then battles Minnesota at 3:45. Bay Area rolled easily through April’s “Big One” unofficial California State Championship against less experienced competition, but the last time they took on a team close to them in the rankings, they just barely fell short in a 62-56 loss to 9th-ranked Philly (that bout took place in November.) Bay Area will surely be looking at Sunday as a chance to prove themselves again, although Rose City and Minnesota will also surely be looking at Sunday as a chance to break into WFTDA’s top ten.

As an added bonus, AZRD’s Ivanna S. Pankin brings the current roster of Team Awesome, her all-derby all-star team, out for halftime and between-bout scrimmages against brave members of Angel City, San Diego and Orange County.

Full schedule and rosters below the jump:

Saturday
3:30: Minnesota vs. Rose City
5:30: Bay Area vs Houston
7:30: OC vs Minnesota
9:30: Houston vs. Rose City

Sunday
10:30 Minnesota vs. Houston
12:15 Bay Area vs. Rose City
2:00: OC vs. Houston
3:45: Minnesota vs. Bay Area

Rose City: Rocket Mean // Rhea DeRange // Firecrotch // Bust’her Spines // Dora Doom // Sol Train // Axl Blows // Vominatrix // Goodie Two Skates // A. Wrench // Megahurtz // Teq Kill Ya // Blood Clottia // Francheckya // Hurricane Skatrina // Cadillac // Madame Bumpsalot // Domesticated Violence // D. Konstructor // GMT

Minnesota: Angelfire // Barbie Brawl // Candi Pain // Demora Liza // Flora Flipabitch // Frau Scientits // Harmony Killerbruise // Honeydew Felon // Jawbreaker // Lizzy the Axe // Mary Tyler Roar // Misfit Maiden // Mitzi Massacre // Rebel Stella // Roxanne Rolls // Rumblebee // Scootaloo // Sparkle Ninja // Suzie Smashbox // Vuedoo Prodigy

Bay Area: Astronaughty // Bliss Bomb’her // Demanda Riot // Diane Rott // Grr Lee Burly // Killer Vee /// Kimfectious // Kitt Turbo // La Chica Mala // Lemme Chokeya // Liza Machete // Lusty Malice // Mandi Festo // Mexican Jumping Mean // Miss Moxxxie // Pia Mess // Racey Lane // Sassy Slayher // Taxi Scab // Velveteen Savage

Houston: Audiomind // Becky Booty // Beth Threat // Carmen Geddit // Catazon // Crasher // Death By Chocolate // Dementia // Goldie Bloxx // Jekyll & Heidi // Miss Lead // Mistilla // Nawty Dread Knocks // Panty Raider // Savage Rose // Sinister Sista // The Prosecutor

Team Awesome: Annie Maul (Kansas City) // Bullet Tooth Tracy (Duke City) // Dahmernatrix (Duke City) // Muffin (Duke City) // Daddy’s Girl (Sacred City) // Goodie Two Skates (Rose City) // Ivanna S. Pankin (Arizona) // Trish the Dish (Arizona) // Jackie Daniels (Grand Raggidy) // Killbox (Detroit) // Jawbreaker (Minnesota) // Miss E-Vil (Rose City)

Gotham Girls Roller Derby’s 4^th intraleague season kicks off this Saturday with the Manhattan Mayhem vs the Queens of Pain. Manhattan last took to the track in a substantial victory over the New Jersey Dirty Dames last November, while Queens spent the off-season focused on avenging a 90-95 loss to the Bronx Gridlock in 2007’s championship game

Similar to last year, every one of Gotham’s four borough teams will play each other once, and the two with the best records will square off for the championship on October 25th.

All games will be held at Hunter College Sportsplex, just a few blocks east of Central Park.

Bronx Gridlock

The defending undefeated 2007 season champions are ready to combat high gas prices and to keep the Golden Skate in the Boogie Down.

Front wheelwoman Kandy Kakes and astounding Assistant Captain Beyonsláy already steered their team through a bout against the Boston Massacre in March. Though the team hit a pothole (116 to 49), they were handicapped without GGRD All Star jammer Bonnie Thunders, and the new management brain trust got needed experience directing traffic.

Luna Impact, the MVP of the Boston game and 2007 league fan favorite rookie, vows to manifest the vicious blocking spirit of the recently departed Pop Rox.  The Gridlock also this season roll without Tiger Bomb, another key blocker from 2007.  The cabbies fill the gap with rookie Danity Inferno, formerly known as Ricochet Rabbit from the New Jersey Dirty Dames.  The ‘beep-beep’ ladies’ first game is against Brooklyn on June 7th.

Beyonsláy #top 40 // Kandy Kakes #perfect 10 // Beatrix Slaughter #42 // Bonnie Thunders #340 // Brigitte Barhot #swingin’ 60’s // Daizy Chainz #15 // Danity Inferno #9th Circle // Ginger Snap #80 // Lemony Kickit #667 // Luna Impact #29.5 // SheRAW #20 // Speed McQueen # 36DD

Brooklyn Bombshells

Brooklyn weathered a single victory season in 2007, and after a November win over Long Island the sailorettes battened down the hatches to make a raid on the 2008 Championship. Knife-like navigatrix Sassy Hipsaw, and human wrecking ball Hela Skelter, helm the 2008 boat. All around all-stars, Anne Phetamean and Ariel Assault, have stepped back from their captain roles to concentrate on becoming the ultimate point scoring cannons. Retired skaters Lady Batterly and Sharyn Payne jumped overboard, leaving the salty sailorete rookie Papierschnitt to swab the deck.

Also, savvy Speedy Sedgwick gets nautical this year after her transfer from Manhattan. The team will be boosted mid-season by the return of Ani Dispanco, currently recovering from a broken timber. Expect a tight ship from Brooklyn this year, as they have already had time to work out the kinks in a private scrimmage against the Charm City Roller Girl All-Stars. Bombs drop over the Bronx sky on June 7^th.

Ani Dispanco # 32 FLAVORS // Anne Phetamean # 7 // Ariel Assault # 23 // Aunti Christ # 666 // Barbara Ambush # 1600 // Chassis Crass # 11 // Hard Anya # i4i // Hela Skelter # 31 // Li’l Red Terror # 19 // Papierschnitt # 8 1/2 x 11 // Raggedy Animal # 67 // Sassy Hipsaw # 34T // Speedy Sedgwick # 65

Manhattan Mayhem

The Mayhem, winless in 2007, are a team reborn. A wild jailbreak saw inmates, Margaret Thrasher, Roxy Balboa, Baby Ruthless, CC Bullets, Bitchie Slambora, Evil Iris, Lil Miss Stuffit and Tankerbelle hopping the Gotham fence while Bluebonnet Plague and Speedy Sedgwick were liberated as free agents.

League tryouts and the draft have now rebuilt the team with freshly incarcerated stars-in-the-making. Mainstay all-star Sweet Sherry Pie runs the team with VICE captain, Connecticut-killer, Surly Temple this year. On May 10^th, they will let loose a furious squad of rookies: Megahurtz, Em Dash, Polly Gone, Roxy Gibrawlter, Regina DenTata, Lucille Ballistic, Straight Razor, and Miss American Thighs — many of whom have previously trained and skated with other neighboring leagues.

This Saturday will be the public’s first chance to see the recent convicts, but these prisoners have already cut their teeth in a private scrimmage against Connecticut’s Elm City Bone Crushers.

Em Dash # - // Fisti Cuffs # 241 // GoGo BaiBai # 3 // Lucille Ballistic # M-16 // Marlene Speedtrich # 1901 // Megahurtz # the O.G. // Miss American Thighs # 76 // Polly Gone # >2 // Regina DenTata # 108 // Roxy Gibrawlter #426 // Straight Razor # X // Surly Temple # 99 // Sweet Sherry Pie # 201

Queens Of Pain

Queens beat everybody but the Bronx in 2007 so bet on them looking for revenge. The Kamikaze Queen herself, Suzy Hotrod, still holds the team’s reigns, while the adorable lavender-bewigged Cheapskate is now co-captain.

Losing Jocelyn D’Jewels, Joey Hardcore, Rolletta Lynn, and Tera Dyketyl was not painless, but new royalty includes Wall St. all-star Bluebonnet Plague, plus two rookies, Haulin’ Cass and Dinah Party (sister of black-wearing Windy City Rollers Double Crosser Donna Party).

Rumors persist that the great Greta Turbo will return from injury seclusion to the spotlight mid-season. The ’05 and ‘06 season champions will continue to rely on the devastating blocking of GGRD All Star captain Donna Matrix, who led the GGRD all-stars to a 98 point victory over the Philly Rollergirls on April 19.

Ana Bollocks #00 // Cheap Skate #2¢ // Donna Matrix # 02 // Hyper Lynx # 404 // Bluebonnet Plague # 5 // Greta Turbo # 32 // Haulin’ Cass # 10-4 // Dinah Party # 24 hrs // Scarlett Rage # 75 // Stevie Kicks #17 // Suzy Hotrod # 55 // Uzi Sioux # 9mm

Additional Reporting by Hambone

Artists of the derby world, if you love DNN and want to help us make it even better, now is your time. Please, take this:

And make it all colorful and awesome. Post a link to your submission in the comments below, or email it to us. If you can solve our color helplessness, we can get back to the more important business of keeping you up to date with the modern derby revolution!

UPDATE: Here’s an eps version of the logo for your vectory enjoyment.

Cincinnati has started off the season strong, with wins over Fort Wayne, Naptown, and Ohio and a recent win over Derby City in an exhibition game. Notably, the Naptown game set a new record for the lowest total score ever in a WFTDA-regulation bout — Cincinnati won 59-32. Cincinnati’s roster features several versatile players including Hannah Barbaric and Roseanne Scarr who are noted for being excellent blockers as well as fast jammers. CRG will undoubtedly impress the Boston crowd with their speed, agility, and maneuverability.

This will be the Boston Massacre’s third all-star game of the season, with previous wins a 119-69 over then-unranked ranked Dominion (now on the board at in the #20 spot) and a 116-49 exhibition bout win over the Bronx Gridlock, the Gotham Girls’ reigning local champions. With several pack weapons, the Boston Massacre is firing in good rhythm and their blocking teamwork and pack communication are on par to make this a strong match-up.

The Cincinnati Rollergirls will be fielding a full roster of 14 as will the Boston Massacre. Missing from the Massacre line-up will be Anna Wrecks’ya and Miss Mary Smack, who will be replaced by Harlot Fevah and Sugar Hits. This is sure to be an exciting game with both strong offensive and defensive play. Boston’s “JV” squad, the Boston B-Party, opens the action with a face off against the currently unranked all-star team from the Connecticut Rollergirls (correction: not the all-star team, a combination of all-stars and local CT players.)

For Cincinnati fans not able to travel to Beantown, the bout will be shown via a live feed on the big screen TV at the Underground at the Know Theater at 1120 Jackson St. in Over-the-Rhine.

The Cincinnati Rollergirls will next skate at the Cincinnati Gardens on Saturday, May 17 at 7:00 p.m. against the 9th ranked Philly Roller Girls. The bout is a double-header, with the Black Sheep dueling Philly’s Liberty Belles and the Cincinnati Rollergirls “B” team, the Silent Lambs, skating against the Black-n-Bluegrass Girls from Northern Kentucky.

The Boston Derby Dames’ next bout wraps up their local season as the defending champion Wicked Pissahs take on the Cosmonaughties for the Season Two title on June 14. This rematch of Season One’s championship is sure to be a screamer, with the Cosmos gunning for a different outcome this time around.

Both leagues will be attending the East Coast Derby Extravaganza on June 21 and 22 in Philly. Cincinnati will be taking on Grand Raggidy (23) and Texas (4). The Boston Massacre will be playing Houston (24) and Rocky Mountain (14), who just handily defeated Boston’s closely matched sister league, the 15th-ranked Providence Roller Girls, in a 137-9 blowout in Denver.

Additional reporting: Harley Quinn

331 Betty Spite // 1984 Claire D. Way // 617 Cookie Push // 9669 Harley Quinn // 99 Harlot Fevah // 843 Krush Puppy // 011 Lois Carmen Denominator // 34B Maura Buse // 28 Pussy Venom // 24 Quick Sandy // 4.0 Sarah Doom // -0 Shelby Shattered // 1001 Sugar Hits // 3D Triple Deck-Her

76 Sadistic Sadie // 85 Hannah Barbaric // 18 Roseanne Scarr // 75 MPH Blu Bayou // 45 caliber Arche Enemy // 60 Shirley Temptya // 66.50 Sister Saralicious // 21 June w/ a Cleaver // 74.00 Juwanna Hurt // 4 Killian Destroy // 41 Panterrorize // 29 Ruff’n the Passer // 11 Sk8er Kinney // Mae C. Stars

KENDALL PARK, NJ — In a meeting of The Original vs. The Best on Sunday night, the undefeated kings of East Coast men’s derby continued their dominance over their regional rivals, as the New York Shock Exchange ground out a relentless 125-44 win over a valiant but outnumbered and overmatched Pioneer Valley Dirty Dozen from Northampton, Massachusetts.

This was New York’s first defense of the “Athletic Cup” trophy they claimed after their April 2007 debut against Pioneer Valley — an unofficial yet highly coveted representation of excellence in the field of male derby. New York came into the bout fielding a full roster of 14, while the Dirty Dozen had to do nearly double duty, with only 8 skaters suiting up for the matchup.

Pioneer Valley took the first jam of the 40-minute bout as recent PVRD acquisition Jurasskick Park managed to sneak between NYSE blocker Darth Invader and Angelo Death to claim lead and get a 3-1 win over NYSE superstar Jonathan R, but that was the only time they’d enjoy the advantage. On the next jam, Mothra got the NYSE in front to stay with a 4-0 over Dr. Spankenstein, as the Dr. got bottled up by T-Stop Tornado and Jonathan R. taking solid control of the front of the pack.

While PVRD had success keeping NYSE from putting up any lopsided scores for the first few jams, they also weren’t having any luck breaking through the superior teamwork of NYSE, and didn’t get back on the board till the seventh jam, when PVRD jammer Davey Jones managed to pull out 6 points after a full-length battle with NYSE blockers Abe Drinkin’, Sugar Daddy and Maulin’ Brando. But even though opposing jammer Wolfgang Von Stomp had spent a minute of the jam in the box, he managed to collect 5 points of his own, leaving the score at New York 24, Pioneer Valley 9.

On Jam 8, there was a double dose of spectacular skill on display as Jonathan R and Jurasskick Park were both through the pack like shots on their opening passes — but with Jonathan R having lead, he took a moment to showboat a bit, skating backwards to the pack to make sure Jurasskick could see him calling off the jam at 0-0. Jurasskick went back to the jam line for the next frame, but Mothra beat him out for a 1-0 win, making it NYSE 25, PVRD 9.

The next jam, though, would end up being a record-setting beatdown from NYSE, as PVRD’s the Rev went up against NYSE’s Rinkworm. Darth Invader and Abe Drinkin’ owned the PVRD blockers in this one, consistently trapping them on the inside and letting the small and speedy Rinkworm fly past them on the edges of the straightaways — with Rinkworm hardly ever having to slow down or even adjust his direction, and with the Rev going to the penalty box early in the jam, it ended as a nearly unheard-of 25 to 0 win for the Shock Exchange.

Suddenly, NYSE had doubled their point total, and even though it was only about two-thirds of the way through the first half, they’d all but ended Pioneer Valley’s hopes for an upset at NYSE 50, PVRD 9. The Shock Exchange continued to pummel PVRD, and they’d allow only one more point in the half in a 1-0 for Jurasskick Park over Rinkworm — while NYSE poured it on, culminating with a half-ending 15-zip jam for Jonathan R over a frustrated Davey Jones. The half ended at Shock Exchange 72, Pioneer Valley 10.

While PVRD couldn’t narrow the margin in the second half, they did keep it closer, mostly on the back of two spectacular jams that gave the underdog’s fans something to scream for. On the half’s second jam, Pioneer Valley’s Dr. Spankenstein got big help from powerful blocker The Rev, who did an excellent job with offensive blocking that marginalized NYSE’s Patrick Bateman and T-Stop Tornado whenever the Dr. approached the pack. NYSE jammer Mothra couldn’t get through the pack at all, and PVRD rolled to a big 15-0 win that more than doubled their entire first-half point output at NYSE 81, PVRD 25.

The 7th jam of the half would see a similar performance from Spankenstein, who this time took advantage of a strung-out pack to put in a 14-0 performance over Wolfgang Von Stomp (who spent a minute of the jam in the box). This got the score to NYSE 99, PVRD 44 with about 9 minutes left to play, but that was the end of the scoring for Pioneer Valley, clearly reaching the limits of their endurance after gamely going with only 8 players for the course of the bout.

The bout ended with NYSE captain Jonathan R getting a chance to run wild on opponent Bazooka Joe, especially as the majority of the PVRD pack found itself in a revolving door at the penalty box — at one point, Rollin’ Redshirt was the only Pioneer Valley blocker out on the track, badly outnumbered by fresher NYSE skaters. That jam ended 17-0 for New York, and the boys from the Big Apple kept — ahem — a solid grip on their Athletic Cup, winning 125-44.

Stats

Jonathan R led the Shock Exchange with 51 points on 9 jams and an incredible +48 jammer point differential, pulling lead jammer seven times. Rinkworm was right behind with 49 points on 6 jams (over half of them scored in his epic 25-0 jam), getting lead 4 times and outscoring his opponents by 45 points. Mothra went to the line 6 times, getting 13 points and two lead jams while putting together a JPD of -4.

Second-string jammers for NYSE were Wolfgang Von Stomp (3 jams, 9 points, -11 JPD, two lead jams) and Darth Invader (1 jam, 3 points, +3 JPD, 1 lead jam.)

For PVRD, Dr. Spankenstein was by far the Dirty Dozen’s most effective weapon at the jam line, though he didn’t take the star very often — on his 4 jams, he collected 29 points and established a +20 jammer point differential, taking lead twice.

Jurasskick Park was used the most as a jammer, and although he demonstrated some very impressive speed and maneuverability in his 8 jams, he scored only 6 points with a -8 JPD (partially due to being up against Jonathan R. in half his jams.) He was PVRD’s most effective way of getting lead jammer, though, pulling it on 4 of 8 tries.

Davey Jones jammed 7 times for 9 points with a -42 JPD and one lead jam, Bazooka Joe was shut out in 5 jams with a -28 JPD and no lead jams, and The Rev had the bad luck to have his only jam of the night put him on the business end of Rinkworm’s 25-0, leaving him with a -25 JPD, no points and no lead jams.

New York next defends the Athletic Cup against Baltimore’s Harm City Homicide on June 29 in what will stand as the first 60-minute men’s flat-track bout. (NYSE crushed the Homicide in a 20-minute expo in October 2007, 97-14.) Pioneer Valley does not currently have their next bout scheduled.

Additional reporting: Virginia Slim

Photos: pup_vs_robot

Both teams relied heavily on new blood in this contest. The Night Terrors, adjusting their gameplan after losing most of their jamming core during the 2007-2008 offseason, got a solid debut from rookie Minnie Piledriver — who led the Terrors with 18 points — and also key performances from Speed Regime transfer Psycho78 (17 points) and third-year veteran Rosie the Rioter (15 points.) The Dolls also had a significant Speed Regime transfer in Flo Shizzle, who led the scoring with 32 points and sealed the win with some late-game heroics.

As the bout kicked off, the Terrors immediately fell into a hole when leadoff jammer Marzipain went to the penalty box in the very first jam on a cutting-track major — opponent Flo Shizzle would score 7 points in that full-length jam, and followup Doll jammer would get a 9-3 win over Marzipain in the following frame. This left the Terrors looking at a disheartening 16-3 start after just two jams, but they’d regroup quickly.

Pulling lead jammer on 5 out of the next 6 jams, the Terrors went on a dominating 31-7 run — keyed by an 8-0 for Psycho78 over Ella Fitz-Peril in both jammers’ team debuts — that lifted the defending champs to a 34-23 lead.

But with things starting to look a little grim for the Dolls, team captain Dolly Rocket chose that moment to give her team a major boost by taking the jammer star on consecutive jams — first, she got lead and a 4-2 win over Psycho78, and then went right back to the jammer line for an explosive 10-0 win over Minnie Piledriver that put the Dolls back in front, 37-36.

While Night Terror Radar Love tied it up with a narrow 1-0 win over Flo Shizzle on the next jam, it was Dolly Rocket yet again powering her team with a 4-0 jam over Psycho78 that ended the half’s scoring at Junkyard Dolls 41, Night Terrors 37.

As the second half started, the Terrors finally got the better of Dolly Rocket — while she did pull lead on her jam against Psycho78, her normal nonchalant scoring slice through the pack was terminated by Terror blocker Frenzy Lohan’s notorious booty block, and Psycho nabbed a 3-2 win just as Dolly furiously called off the jam.

On the next jam, the Terrors got a bit of a break as Coach Ballbricker, jamming for the Dolls, took a block that sent her careening past the entire pack on the infield, sending her to the penalty box on a cutting-track major, but they couldn’t capitalize, with the jam ending 0-0 as Radar Love couldn’t complete her first pass. A following 4-4 between Ballbricker and Minnie Piledriver set the score at Dolls 47, Terrors 44.

Psycho78 got the Terrors back in the lead on the following jam, but not without a highlight-reel takedown by the Dolls, as Psycho burst past Ali Kaida and Dirty Trixie on the outside and was about to leave the pack behind when Ali gave Trixie a monster unexpected push that sent Trixie hurtling out-of-control into Psycho — while Trixie got a major for the resultant illegal takedown, the push had done its job and Psycho was forced to call the jam at 4-0 rather than going for more.

A 4-0 for Rosie the Rioter over Killer Kitten would make the score Terrors 52, Dolls 47 with about 14 minutes to play, and the Terrors managed to hold off the Dolls for 11 of those minutes. On the half’s 8th jam, Flo Shizzle cut the lead to 56-55 with an 8-4 win over Radar Love, but a clutch 5-0 grand slam for rookie Minnie Piledriver over Coach Ballbricker opened it up again.

Two jams later, it was the Dolls’ rookie’s turn to shine, as Ella Fitz-Peril scored her first career points at a critical juncture, getting a 4-0 over Minnie Piledriver that made the score Terrors 61, Dolls 59 with less than five minutes to play.

And then, with the game on the line, it was time for Flo Shizzle to duplicate Dolly Rocket’s feat from the first half. Flo took lead and a 3-0 win over Rosie the Rioter that finally put the Dolls back in front, 62-61, with 3:43 showing on the clock — and then went back to the jammer line for another go, this time against Radar Love. Hampered by some punishing Doll defense, Radar would go to the penalty box during that jam — and Flo Shizzle scampered for 9 unanswered game-sealing points, making it a 71-61 Dolls lead with less than two minutes to play and Radar stuck in the box to start the next jam. That last jam went 3-2 for Killer Kitten, and the Dolls had joined the Mods in turning Charm City expectations directly on their heads.

Stats

Flo Shizzle led all scoring with 32 points on 8 jams, outscoring her opposing jammers by 12 points and getting lead 3 times. While Dolly Rocket didn’t have as large a total (20 points on 6 jams), she was arguably even more effective with a +15 jammer point differential and grabbing lead on 5 of those 6 jams. Coach Ballbricker tossed in 13 points on 5 jams, with a -3 JPD and one lead jam; Killer Kitten had 5 points on 4 jams with a -4 JPD and one lead jam; and Ella Fitz-Peril contributed 4 points on 4 jams, with a -9 JPD and one lead jam.

For the Night Terrors, the scoring was fairly evenly spread out — Minnie Piledriver had 18 points on 6 jams with an even JPD and three lead jam calls, Psycho78 had 17 points on 7 jams with a +7 JPD and two lead jams, Rosie the Rioter had 15 points on 4 jams with a +7 JPD and three lead jam calls, Radar Love had 7 points on 7 jams with a -13 JPD but four lead jam calls, and Marzipain (who did not jam after the fifth jam of the first half) had 6 points on three jams, a -12 JPD, and one lead jam call.

Oddly enough, in both bouts of the doubleheader, the team that got lead jammer more often and committed fewer penalties still lost. The Terrors got 13 lead jammer calls to 11 for the Dolls, and the Terrors got 54 minors and 3 majors to the Dolls’ 71 minors and 8 majors,

The doubleheader’s results put the Dolls in second place behind the Mobtown Mods, and the Terrors in third place ahead of the Speed Regime.The Dolls try to keep the momentum going with a June 14 battle against the 0-1 Regime, while the Night Terrors try to get back on track in the other half of the doubleheader as they face off against the 1-0 Mobtown Mods.

Bout photos: jwiv // Team photo: Geoff Graham

Things started off with RMRG’s She Who Cannot Be Named up against PRD’s Hysterica! on the jammer line. She Who grabbed lead as well as four points, calling it off before Hysterica! could make it to the pack. Next up, RMRG’s Frida Beater faced off against PRD’s Cleo Patronize, adding nine points for a total of 13 while PRD was still stuck at zero. RMRG continued to rack up the points and keep PRD at zero until the tenth jam of the game, when Hysterica! managed to score four points as well as gain lead jammer, though by this point RMRG was already at 39 points. Hysterica!’s points were the only ones to be put up on the scoreboard throughout the first period for PRD, with halftime putting RMRG at 67, PRD 4.

While the Riveters had no shortage of hard hitters such as Bunnicula and Burnin’ Helen, they seemed to be suffering in the jammer department – Hysterica! would be the only point scorer of the game as well as the only jammer to successfully gain lead with the exception of one jam by Cleo Patronize. Fight Club’s defense was outstanding, however, with pivot Winona Fighter controlling the front throughout the majority of the game while blockers Madam Maimya, Ida Hustler, Pinky 500 and Assaultin’ Pepa built unbreakable walls and consistently kept the PRD jammers from ever leaving the pack. The final score found RMRG at 137, PRD 9.

The top scorers for RMRG were Frida Beater with 60 points and She Who with 58. Frida grabbed lead jammer 70% of the time while She Who earned it 69%. Luscious Smacksome and Smashbox earned nine points each, while Ida Hustler scored one.

PRD’s only point scorer for the night was Hysterica! who earned 9 points and gained lead jammer 33% of her time on the track.

Rocky Mountain doesn’t waste much time before their next challenge, heading down to Phoenix to take on Arizona Roller Derby this Saturday, May 10th. Providence’s next action will be their local season opener, as the Old Money Honeys take on the Mob Squad on May 30 — but they’re next in all-star action at Philly’s East Coast Extravaganza on June 21 and 22, taking on 22nd-ranked Atlanta on Saturday and 13th-ranked Charm City on Sunday.

While the off-season addition of two-time league MVP Joy Collision was a major factor in their victory — she scored 44 of the team’s 74 points — a strong second-half showing from Lady Quebeaum, along with some effective pack play from Judy Boom, Penaltyna and Angthrax, were crucial elements of the win. On the Speed Regime’s side, rookie jammer Bambi’s Revenge made an impressive debut with 17 points on 4 jams, while Stormin’ Mormon led the Regime point totals with 19, and transfer Holly Go Hardly (playing against the team she played for last year) was a monster in the pack.

For the first few jams of the bout, it looked like the Mods were going to go down to another of the lopsided defeats that characterized their winless 2007 season. After an opening 1-1 between Stormin’ Mormon and Joy Collision, the Speed Regime took lead jammer on the first five jams of the bout and constructed a 15-1 lead. However, after a Mod timeout, the red-and-black came storming back, opening with a massively crowd-pleasing 14-0 jam for Joy Collision over Deathany (who’d spend a minute of the jam watching from the penalty box) and following up with a 4-0 victory for Duchess of Torque over Stormin’ Mormon.

With the Mods suddenly enjoying a 19-15 advantage, the rest of the half — and the game — would be a seesaw battle. The Mods lost their lead with about 5 minutes to play in the half, when jammer Duchess of Torque spent two jams in the box, allowing Deathany to get a 2-0 win followed by a 3-0 win for Pistol Whip that put the Regime back in front by a hair, 24-23. Rookie Bambi’s Revenge was on the jam line next to get the Regime’s third lead jam in a row and a 4-0 win over Lady Quebeaum, but Duchess was back on for the half’s last scoring jam to win a 7-4 over Stormin’ Mormon that made the score a tight Speed Regime 32, Mobtown Mods 30 going into the half.

The momentum swung wildly from team to team throughout the second half, which kicked off with a 9-0 win for Joy Collision over Deathany and a 2-1 win for Lady Quebeaum over Pistol Whip (Quebeaum had been shut out in all four of her first half jams, but noticeably hit her stride in the second half.) However, Stormin’ Mormon gave the Speed Regime their biggest jam win on the period’s third jam, going 10-0 over Duchess of Torque, who’d landed in the penalty box again, and Bambi’s Revenge followed up with a 6-4 win over the recently freed Duchess.

This put the Speed Regime on top, 49-45, with about 12 minutes left in the bout, but back to back 3-0 jams for the Mods — one for Lady Quebeaum over Buzz Kill and one Joy Collision over Reckless Ndangerment (in Reckless’ only jam of the night) — gave the lead back to the Mods, 51-49.

Still, though, the pendulum wasn’t done swinging. Stormin’ Mormon, increasingly looking like the Regime’s ace jammer for 2008, got lead and a 4-0 over Duchess of Torque, followed by another 4-0 win for Deathany over Lady Quebeaum in a highly defensive jam that went the full 2 minutes. (Deathany was probably held from a second scoring pass by a massive sweep block from Joy Collision that Deathany was very slow to get up from.)

With only about 6 minutes to play, the Regime up 57-51, and Bambi’s Revenge alone on the jam line as opposing jammer Lady Quebeaum cooled her wheels in the penalty box, the Regime had a chance to put the hammer down — but instead, it was Lady Quebeaum busting out of the box to claim lead jammer and follow her blocking to a crucial 7-0 that gave the Mods the lead yet again, 58-57, with 4:30 showing on the game clock.

The next jam ended 0-0 as Joy Collision was happy to take a scoreless jam against Pistol Whip, and with DuBurns Arena going wild, Lady Quebeaum gave the Mods slightly more daylight with a 3-1 win over Deathany, leaving the score at Mods 61, Regime 58 with 2 minutes left on the game clock.

Right then, however, Speed Regime would have a fatal boondoggle on the bench, with apparent confusion about who would take the jammer star to go up against Joy Collision for the potential win. The indecision went on over 30 seconds … and in a bit of an anticlimax to a thrilling bout, Joy Collision ended up unopposed as the jam started before the Regime fielded a jammer. It certainly didn’t seem very anticlimactic to the Mods or their fans, though, who wildly celebrated the end of the Mods’ seven-game losing streak as Joy finished the bout by tacking on 13 points to the victory margin. Final score: Mods 74, Regime 58.

Stats

The Mods ran a strict three-jammer rotation all game long. Joy Collision had one of her normal spectacular turns at the jam line, leading all scorers with 44 points on 9 jams and an incredible jammer point differential of +39 — she also got the most lead jammer calls with 6. Lady Quebeaum and Duchess of Torque supported with 15 points each — Quebeaum on 9 jams and Duchess on 8. Lady Quebeaum sported a JPD of -4 and had 3 lead jams, while Duchess had a -19 JPD and was awarded lead jammer twice.

Stormin’ Mormon continued her impressive evolution as a jammer, leading the Regime with 19 points on 5 jams and getting a +7 jammer point differential along with 3 lead jammer calls. Bambi’s Revenge, playing in her first bout, contributed 17 points on 4 jams, with a +6 JPD and 3 lead jammer calls. Pistol Whip went to the jam line 5 times, getting 13 points, a +7 JPD, and 2 lead jammer calls, and Deathany had 9 points on 6 jams with a -17 JPD and 2 lead jammer calls. Regime jamming was rounded out by Buzz Kill (3 jams, 0 points, -3 JPD, 2 lead jams), Reckless Ndangerment (1 jam, 0 points, -3 JPD, no lead jams) and Rebel Yellow (who took the star in a short jam that ended the first half — no points, even JPD, no lead jams.)

In the night’s 26 jams, the lead jammer battle was nearly even, with the Regime getting lead on 12 jams and the Mods getting lead on 11 jams — there were three jams with no lead declared. The Mods picked up 82 minors and 3 majors, while the Regime was assigned 65 minors and 3 majors.

With a win and the league’s best point differential, the Mods find themselves in first place for the first time ever in the Charm City standings — while Speed Regime is in the cellar for the first time. Both teams are back in action on June 14 — the Speed Regime takes on the 1-0 Junkyard Dolls and the Mods battle it out with Joy Collision’s old team, the 0-1 Night Terrors.

Photography:epmd, jwiv