Derby or Die
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Official site of the Women's Flat Track Derby Association.
Orange County’s OC Rollergirls will be hosting a major event this weekend in sunny Corona, California — 5 WFTDA leagues competing in a total of 8 games over two days in the second annual Roll for A Cure breast cancer benefit.
The results of these games will no doubt be of particular interest to derby fans, as the #10, #11 and #12 ranked teams in the nation will all be battling it out with each other (that’s Bay Area, Portland and Minnesota, respectively) in bouts that will surely shed some light on their relative abilities. 24th-ranked Houston and hosting, as-yet-unranked OC will also get in on the action.
Saturday’s marquee bout is probably the 3:30pm opener of 11th-ranked Rose City vs. 12th-ranked Minnesota — neither team has played an all-star bout this calendar year but both bring a lot of history and talent to the floor. Rose City rolled over Charm City, 126-37, in November 2007, while Minnesota lost a nailbiter to the same Charm City, 73-69, a month later in December. However, Minnesota had split their all-star squad for a doubleheader that night, with the other half of their players going up against Arizona, while Rose City had gone with their top 14, so it’s debatable as to how much the Charm City results can illuminate the possible outcome of this match.
Two major high-level bouts will take place on Sunday, as 10th-ranked Bay Area goes up against Rose City at noon and then battles Minnesota at 3:45. Bay Area rolled easily through April’s “Big One” unofficial California State Championship against less experienced competition, but the last time they took on a team close to them in the rankings, they just barely fell short in a 62-56 loss to 9th-ranked Philly (that bout took place in November.) Bay Area will surely be looking at Sunday as a chance to prove themselves again, although Rose City and Minnesota will also surely be looking at Sunday as a chance to break into WFTDA’s top ten.
As an added bonus, AZRD’s Ivanna S. Pankin brings the current roster of Team Awesome, her all-derby all-star team, out for halftime and between-bout scrimmages against brave members of Angel City, San Diego and Orange County.
Lizzy the Axe, Frau Scientits, Mary Tyler Roar, and referee Seamonster star in a genius little series of PSAs produced by the Minnesota RollerGirls. Required watching.
ST. PAUL, MN — In the closing bout of the Minnesota season-ending doubleheader, the Rockits capped off an undefeated season with a hard-fought win over a tenacious Dagger Dolls team, 41-32.
Rockit Harmony Killerbruise and Dolly Roxanne Rolls jammed to begin this final match. Harmony bounded through the pack taking the first lead, while Scarmen Hellectra rolled Roxanne to the back twice before the veteran Doll could pass the pack. While Roxy escaped and took two, Harmony scored four points for the Rockits. Vuedoo Prodigy and Sparkle Ninja – both with two full years under their belts – next lined up and took off. Norah Torious delivered Vuedoo to the back of the pack after almost scoring a quick pass-through, but the Prodigy nonetheless took the lead and scored two while the Randi and Coochie of the Rockits slowed Sparkle Ninja.
ST. PAUL, MN — 4200 men, women, and children from around the state converged upon the Legendary Roy Wilkins auditorium on Saturday to see the conclusion of the fourth season of the resurgence of Minnesota roller derby. Over twenty-eight games and four years, the MNRG has grown their fanbase from packing out a roller rink to the thousands stuffing every corner of the Roy. On this, the twenty-ninth home bout of the MNRG, the fans were in for a treat; not one but two taut bouts showcasing the best of flat track derby for anyone with a ticket.
The Garda Belts and the Atomic Bombshells proudly skated out to this match for third place. The previous match had been chaotic, with many fouls doled out and - despite bagpipes, sunglasses, and Michael Jackson‘s “Thriller” - the mood at the start of this match was decidedly more serious. Coaches sent out Angelfire of the Garda Belts and Lizzy the Axe of the Atomic Bombshells for the first assault on the blockers.
It’s been a quiet week in Saint Paul, Minnesota. The snow waits to fall on the populace. There’s not one derby player in this city, the exact geographical center of roller derby in America, who isn’t looking at a sky the color of television static and showing it her finger. But just as the winter will at last dissipate into a new spring, the mighty Minnesota Rollergirls must end their 4th season on Saturday, April 12th at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in Saint Paul.
The Garda Belts take on the Atomic Bombshells in a third place bout that will bring the fans of derby from far and wide to their feet and and then to their knees, begging for more. And after a halftime show by E.L.nO., the greatest cover band of our time, it’s all systems go as the Rockits take on those poisoners in pink known as the Dagger Dolls for the right to raise the Golden Skate high in the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.
ST. PAUL, MN — In the second bout of Minnesota’s March 22 doubleheader, the Rockits shattered the Dagger Doll defense and held the Dolls back to a mere four points in the second half, soundly defeating them 56-21.
Dagger Doll speedster Roxanne Rolls returned to the jammer line for the first time in 2008 to the cheers of Dolly groupies everywhere. Taking her on was Harmony Killerbruise for the Rockits. Roxanne took the lead jam by a hair and darted ahead of Killerbruise in the lapping sprint. However, the Rockits blockers took down both Sweet Justice and Mary Tyler Roar behind Roxanne, giving Harmony several targets to pass in Roxy’s blind spot before the Dagger Doll called off the jam.
Sparkle Ninja took the lead in the next jam and Barbie Brawl shepherded her through the lapping pass with Rockit jammer Vuedoo Prodigy just a few strides behind. Sparkle evened up the score to 6-5 with the Rockits just a point ahead. The crowd rumbled as longtime rivals Rebel Stella and Jawbreaker stepped to the line, and with the second whistle, the two jammers were off. Stella stole momentum off of fellow Dolly Sinnamin, but it was Jawbreaker who would take the lead. Lapping hard, Jawbreaker blurred past the Doll blockers for a quick four and called off the jam before Stella could earn more than a single point for the Dolls, moving the tally to Rockits 10, Dolls 6.
ST PAUL, MN — In the teaser of the upcoming April bout for third place, the Atomic Bombshells returned from early setbacks to sneak past the Garda Belts in an astonishing (and often confusing) 40 minute bout, 37-29.
The first jam of the night began with Mitzi Massacre of the Bombshells and Suzie Smashbox of the Garda Belts touching off for a scoreless jam. The Bonesetter, Marilyn Monrogue, and Lizzy the Axe found answers to Smashbox’s speed, leap-frogging past to bury Suzie in blockers. ABS co-captain Cleosplatra broke through the pack in the next jam with GB Angelfire on her wheeled heels. Each earned 4 points, despite heavy resistance from the ABS front line of Chinese Takeout and Bonesetter.
Lizzy blew past the Garda Belt defense next, putting up a 4-0 in just a minute and allowing the Bombshells to go ahead 8-4. Suzie returned to the line against ABS newcomer Sugar Cain, and Suzie kicked it into top gear on the straightaway, lapping Sugar Cain and speeding for five against the Bombshells. Meantime, Cain fell victim repeatedly to off-color Garda Belt blocker Tiki Torture. The scoreboard showed Garda Belts 9, Atomic Bombshells 8 with just over 11 minutes to go in the half.
ST. PAUL, MN — #22-ranked Charm City bounced back impressively from their recent big loss to Portland, going up against #11-ranked Minnesota and pulling out a 73-69 upset victory.
Charm City would get out of the gate slow. After a opening 4-3 jam that saw Charm City’s Flo Shizzle grab lead but still finish the jam a point shy of Minnesota’s Lizzy the Axe, they ran into some unexpected trouble when jammer Cherrylicious broke her skate early in the following jam. The jam was called at 0-0, and Flo Shizzle would get shut out twice in the next two jams by Jawbreaker and Susie Smashbox, putting the home team up 11-3 early in the half. Charm City seemed to wake up a bit at that point, firing back with a 20-5 run over the next four jams that gave them a 23-16 lead with about 16 minutes left in the half, but at that point they suddenly started finding it a lot harder to get points on the board.
Both Flo Shizzle and Lady Quebeaum picked up their fourth minors as jammers late in the period, giving Minnesota some opportunities to work unopposed at the jammer line, but the Charm City defense stepped up strong. In the four jams where Charm City had Flo or Quebeaum in the box for part of the time, the score was an impressive Minnesota 1, Charm City 1. Still, though, Charm City’s scoring troubles would eventually cost them the lead, and the period ended with the scoreboard favoring the home team, 32-28.
Three weeks after a sobering 126-37 trouncing at the hands of #15th-ranked Rose City, Baltimore’s Charm City Roller Girls (#22) try to turn their fortunes around against a yet higher-ranked opponent. This Saturday, they’ll be heading up into the cold, cold north to take on 11th-ranked Minnesota.
Minnesota has played numerous recent bouts with their local teams taking on squads from other leagues (including Duke City, Denver, No Coast and Cincinnati), but their most recent WFTDA all-star matchup was a 112-84 away loss to Kansas City on September 15 (just two weeks before Kansas City rose to the #1 spot by winning the WFTDA national tournament in Austin.)
Charm City won’t be seeing that same team, though. This particular bout is a WFTDA doubleheader, with Minnesota taking a unique approach by fielding two all-star teams — Team Aqua and Team Army. Arizona Roller Derby does battle with Team Army, while Charm City goes up against Team Aqua. Team Aqua will be keyed by the notorious Jawbreaker, a powerful blocker who can also do damage from the jam line, and captain Rumblebee. Vuedoo Prodigy, who showed some memorable cuts as a jammer in August’s Heartland Havoc loss to Detroit, will also be representing Team Aqua for Minnesota. Minnesota has two skaters who are on both the Team Aqua and Team Army rosters — Jawbreaker and Lizzy the Axe.
The East Coast visitors will be bringing a slightly different crew than the one that faced Rose City last month, and a slightly deeper one too — Charm City fielded only 12 skaters in that bout but brings the full 14 this time out. Rookie prodigies Stormin’ Mormon and the bruising Holly Go Hardly make their debut as Charm City All-Stars, and Lady Quebeaum and Shevil Knievel, stalwarts of last year’s all-stars, return to the yellow and gold. Quebeaum, who suffered a broken leg during a March practice, has made an impressively quick recovery to her old form, and will be joining team co-captain Mibbs Breakin’ Ribs to provide some hard hitting in the pack. And once again, Charm City brings their marquee jammer combo of Joy Collision and Dolly Rocket, with more potential scoring weapons including Flo Shizzle, Cherrylicious and Pistol Whip.
UPDATE: Charm City manages to score an upset in a very closely matched bout, 73-69 (full recap to come).
HBomb 15 // Frau ScienTITs 23 // Angelfire C2 // Rumblebee 4×4 // Candi Pain 666 // Scootaloo FU // Barbie Brawl 007 // The Bone Setter 138 // Lizzy the Axe 41 // Jawbreaker 86 // Vuedoo Prodigy LXIX // Suzie Smashbox 91 // Harmony Killerbruise 75 // Ann E. Briated 9
In a way, the derby fates have treated #11th ranked Minnesota and #12th ranked Arizona quite similarly in 2007. Both were sitting a few slots higher in the rankings going into their respective regional tournaments, both were odds-on favorites to make the final four and advance to the national tournament, and both got an unpleasant surprise at the hands of upstarts. Arizona was knocked out of the Western Regional by Kansas City in a 75-70 classic, and Minnesota went down to Detroit, 99-77. After WFTDA nationals, both teams found themselves ranked outside the top 10 for the first time since the WFTDA ranking system went in place; for the 2008 cycle, both leagues will be looking to regain their previous standings.
Although they’re two of the older leagues in derby, these two have not faced each other on the track before (CORRECTION: AZRD defeated Minnesota in the third-place bout of the 2006 Dust Devil, 115 to 88). A conveniently indirect way to compare them, though, comes in the fact that each of them most recently faced the current #1 team, Kansas City. Minnesota battled to a 122-84 loss in mid-September, while AZRD was outscored by just over a hundred points in early August, suffering a 153-51 defeat. Both games were in Kansas City.
It looks like Arizona will be fielding a relatively new interleague team, with not too many of the crew from Dust Devil still on the roster. Noticeably, neither of their one-two jammer combination from that tourney will be playing against Minnesota — Sheriff Shutyerpaio is off the roster, and Denise Lightning went to Carolina over the summer. Minnesota’s Team Army features the wickedly speedy Roxanne Rolls and Rebel Stella among a crew notorious for being some of the hardest hitters in derby.
UPDATE: Minnesota takes it to Arizona in a romp, going up 51-9 at halftime and coasting to a big 87-24 win (full recap to come.)
Orange County’s OC Rollergirls will be hosting a major event this weekend in sunny Corona, California — 5 WFTDA leagues competing in a total of 8 games over two days in the second annual Roll for A Cure breast cancer benefit.
