April 19th is fixin’ to be a big day for derby out on the eastern side of the continent — there’s high-level WFTDA action in New York as 9th-ranked Philly takes on 5th-ranked Gotham, there’s very rare double-gender double-header action in Massachusetts as Pioneer Valley’s Dirty Dozen takes on Diamond City Death Kings and Pioneer Valley’s Western Mass Destruction battles the Diamond City Scream Queens, and up over the border there’s the Beast of the East, a 16-team, all-day, all-Canadian (!) tournament in Montreal.

However, if you’d rather skate than spectate, it might behoove you to set course for the Dulles Sportsplex in northern Virginia, where the DC Rollergirls will be hosting a free all-day scrimmage event. DC skater Helena Handbag passes along the following details:

It is basically just a big day of pick up scrimmages, much like the Flamingo Banks thing at Rollercon. Just bring a black and a white shirt and line up. We have room for 2 tracks and have invited everyone we can think of from GA to MA. EVERYONE is welcome.
 
We have a block of hotel rooms about 2 miles away ($55 a night) and also rollergirls willing to house for those who need to stay over. It is at Dulles Sportsplex, 2-9pm on Saturday, April 19. The surface is sport court, we will be playing WFTDA 2.1.1.
 
Derby-owned skate shop Black Eyed Susan will be there and leagues are welcome to bring merch to trade or sell. Skaters must have current USARS to participate. And oh ya, it is FREE! We just wanted to do something fun - no complicated registration, just come play derby.

For more info, email scrimmage.o.rama@gmail.com.

(Incidentally, on February 25th, DC became the newest inductee into the now 53-leagues-strong Women’s Flat Track Derby Association — for those keeping track at home, it took the DC Rollergirls approximately two years to secure representation, while regular DC residents are entering their 232nd year without representation. Derby wins again.)

If the current WFTDA rankings are accurate, there should be a doozy of a matchup in Baltimore on Saturday night, as the 15th-ranked Charm City Roller Girls try to extend their three-game winning streak when they host the 13th-ranked Rocky Mountain Roller Girls out of Denver, Colorado.

Charm City’s current interleague season got off to a dismaying start in November when they were trounced 126-37 in an away game against Portland’s Rose City, but their fortunes have been steadily on the upswing since, with a narrow 73-69 upset win over 11th ranked Minnesota in December, a 117-89 home win over 23rd ranked Dallas in January, and a 132-64 romp over WFTDA-inactive Ohio in February, also in Baltimore.

The Baltimore ladies do come into the match missing two of their standout players, though — first-year rookie Cherrylicious played her last bout for Charm City against Ohio, and two-year veteran Pistol Whip will sit this bout out, apparently still feeling the effects of a nagging injury. Cherry and Pistol had been effective and heavily used at both the jammer line and in the pack, so it’ll be interesting to see how the Charm City jammer rotation evolves without them. Stepping into their places are pack specialists Pixie Rocket (in her second all-star bout) and Penaltyna (making an all-star debut), but Charm City still has plenty of potential ammunition at the jammer line, with Stormin’ Mormon, Flo Shizzle, Lady Quebeaum, Rosie the Rioter, Dr. Skabs, Duchess of Torque, Dolly Rocket, Joy Collision and Coach Ballbricker all experienced interleague jammers. The hard-hitting Holly Go Hardly, Mibbs Breakin’ Ribs and Cheeta Torpeda will be anchoring the defense in the pack.

It’s tempting to compare Charm City and Rocky Mountain by the fact that they both played Dallas recently (Rocky Mountain defeated them by 12 in November, while Charm City defeated them by 28 in January) — but that doesn’t take into account the fact that Rocky Mountain more recently faced off against 5th ranked Eastern powerhouse Gotham, going down 113-47 in December. Time and time again derby shows that a big loss to a highly-ranked team usually results in a dramatic improvement in the losing team’s play, and few teams know that better than Charm City, who were on the business end of that truism when Rose City used the lessons of their own loss to Gotham on them in November.

Rocky Mountain is at a bit of a numbers handicap, bringing only 11 players out to the East Coast — but they’ve picked a very tight lineup with speed demons She Who Cannot Be Named and Frida Beater leading a scoring attack behind the notoriously punishing defense of Pinky 500, Assaultin’ Pepa, Ida Hustler and more. While She Who and Frida have become known as the backbone of the RMRG offense, Luscious Smacksome and Smashbox have started to step up as effective jamming support in a defense-oriented team.

Also: local fans get an extra treat pre-game, as Charm City gives some of their best new skaters a very public debut in a 20 minute opening mini-bout against the Commanders in Briefs, the relatively new all-star team from nearby sister league DC Rollergirls. Charm City’s squad for this matchup pairs 7 veteran skaters (Angthrax, Major Threat, Sister Midnight, Frenzy Lohan, Reckless Endangerment, Deathany and Killer Kitten) up with 6 rookies (Rebel Yellow, Maiden China, Minnie Piledriver, Essie Ecks, Harlotte’s Webb and Bambi’s Revenge.) DC brings 12 girls to the party — big hitters Phang, Trampon and Six5, mercurial jammers Goldrush, Guantanamo Babe and Meatball, and double threats Helena Handbag, Condoleezza Slice and Hooah! Girl. ShREDica, Deja Bruise and Darth Vixen will round out the expo roster.

86 Assaultin’ Pepa (captain) // 500 Pinky 500 (captain) // ‘57 Annia LateHer // 3 Catholic Cruel Girl // 18-3-202 Frida Beater // P1MP Ida Hustler // 480 Luscious Smacksome // 33 Madam MaimYa // 88 She Who Cannot Be Named // 8 Winona Fighter // 36 Smashbox

Cheeta Torpeda, #37 // / Coach Ballbricker, #13 // Dutchess Of Torque, #200lb/ft // Dr. Skabs, #89 // Dolly Rocket, #6 // Flo Shizzle, #24-7 // Holly Go Hardly, #415 // Joy Collision, #747 (captain) // Lady Quebeaum, #34 // Mibbs Breakin’ Ribs, #1010 (captain) // Penaltyna, #7 // Pixie Rocket, #69 // Rosie The Rioter, #100% // Stormin’ Mormin, #68

WASHINGTON, DC — The Cherry Blossom Bombshells came into DC’s season-opening doubleheader looking for revenge for their 97-36 loss in last year’s championship bout, but Scare Force One wasn’t having it. After a low-scoring first half, the defending DC Rollergirls’ champions demonstrated exactly why they remain undefeated, utterly shutting down the Cherry Blossom Bombshells in the second half to win another lopsided 74-12 victory.

Scare Force’s captain Condoleezza Slice quickly staked her team to a 5-0 lead by getting a grand slam on opposing jammer Deja Bruise on the bout’s first jam, but the Bombshells would keep it close for a while, partially helped out by Scare Force’s tendency to go to the penalty box early and often (SF1 would have two blockers in the box by the end of the first jam.) Jam 6 was the only big win for Scare Force in the half, when Meatball was able to run up a 7-0 over Kimono Dragon that put the score at 18-7 in favor of Scare Force. But Scare Force’s hard-hitting defense, keyed by some bone-jarring hip checks from Trampon that often sent opposing jammers sailing out of bounds, would never allow the Bombshells more than 2 points in a jam, and that allowed SF1 to build a 29-10 lead by the end of the first 20 minutes.

The first half had been mostly Scare Force, but they put on a defensive clinic in the second half, holding the tiring Bombshells to a mere 2 points in the full 20 minutes while pouring on 45 more of their own. The Bombshells would be shut out for the first six jams of the half and again for the final four jams of the half, as only Guantanamo Babe and Deja Bruise were able to get a point each on jams 7 and 8. Ironically, the 62 point Scare Force victory ended up being just one point larger than that of their previous match.

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WASHINGTON, DC — In the first bout of the DC Rollergirls’ home season opener, last season’s last-place Secretaries of Hate came tantalizingly close to their first-ever victory, but in the end were denied by the DC Demoncats, who were victorious by a final of 62-47.

The first half of the 40 minute bout was a tight one, with neither team able to secure a significant lead. After the first jam went 4-4 as the Demoncats’ Camilla the Hun went up against the Haters’ Goldrush, the lead would change hands on jams 2, 3, 5 and 7, leaving the Haters defending a small 18-15 advantage about halfway through the period. The low score was mostly the result of lead jammers cutting things off early — throughout the first half, no jammer made more than a single scoring pass.

Jam 10 was where the Demoncats would make their move — Demoncat jammer Camilla the Hun followed some powerful blocking from Hooah!Girl and ShREDica to get a 4-1 win over Free Radical and tie the game up at 23. The period ended on two more victories for the Demoncats — a 4-2 for Camilla the Hun over Lois Slain and a 4-0 for Blonde Fury over Free Radical — that gave the Demoncats a 31-25 lead at the half.

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The DC Rollergirls pulled off an impressive hat trick with their media coverage of their first championship bout — print media from the Washington Post, radio from NPR, and this quick hit from Reuters. It’s definitely not the most in-depth feature you’ll ever see, but it does manage to focus on the sport over the spectacle, and hey, it’s Reuters. It also seems to include a short clip of some referee running his mouth, but pay no attention to that part.

In the DC Rollergirls’ first championship bout, Scare Force One put the finishing touches on a dominating run, remaining undefeated by beating the Cherry Blossom Bombshells 97-36.

The imposing Scare Force lineup waits to take the track. Photo credit: Calvo

The bout opened with Scare Force One jammer Harley Quinn dropping a double grand slam on the Bombshells’ Deja Bruise for a 10-0. It was the beginning of an explosive opening for the air women, who would shut out the Bombshells for the first four jams of the bout. making the score Scare Force One 22, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 0. The Bombshells would finally get on the board in Jam 5, where SF1 jammer Meatball went to the penalty box during her opening pass and Kimono Dragon was able to get 2 points out of it. In a way, the momentum shifted to the Bombshells for a little while as they were able to get lead jammer for the next four jams in a row — unfortunately for the underdogs, they were rarely able to turn it into a positive point differential. The Bombshells got their only jam win of the half when Deja Bruise scored a 1-0 over Harley Quinn as Bombshells blocker Five-Ho delayed Harley’s exit from the pack for a fair bit of time. It was the beginning of some more effective blocking from the Bombshells — on the next jam, a crowd-pleasing hit from Bombshell Hippie Longstocking launched SF1 blocker Condelezza Slice into her own jammer Meatball, sending them both to the floor. However, with Bombshells jammer Pam Backhand stuck in the penalty box, Meatball had enough time to run up a 9-3 on that jam, and SF1’s Phang would follow up with a 9-4 as her blocker Trampon leveled Deja Bruise twice on her opening pass. That brought the score to Scare Force One 40, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 10 with about 5 minutes left in the period. On the second to last jam of the half, Scare Force’s Six Five on Skates and Madeline Allfight were all over the hardy Deja Bruise, allowing Meatball to run up 9 points and calling off the jam before Bruise could get anything. As the half ended, it was Scare Force One 53, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 14.

Scare Force would continue the assault as the second half opened. Perhaps looking to give Deja Bruise some rest, the Bombshells put out Guantanamo Babe at the jammer line to start the half, but she was severely bounced around by a tough Scare Force defensive platoon of Helena Handbag, Phang and Trampon, and Harley Quinn zipped around the track for an 11-0 win. Six Five and Demabrat would do the same to Deja Bruise on the following jam, giving Condeleeza Slice the opportunity for a quick 5-0. The Bombshells finally found a way to stop Scare Force on the third jam of the half — unfortunately, it turned out to be in the form of a high elbow from Bombshells blocker Hippie Longstocking to Scare Force jammer Phang, leaving Phang on the floor and Hippie headed to the penalty box on a major. With Phang getting 3 points to 2 for Pam Backhand, that left the score at Scare Force One 72, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 16, and the points would continue to rain down for the rest of the half.

With only about 3 minutes to play, the Cherry Blossom Bombshells would have their best moment of the bout. A Harley Quinn journey to the penalty box allowed Deja Bruise to get two 5-point passes, putting up a 10-0 and moving the scoreboard to Scare Force One 97, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 36. However, it was far too late to affect the course of the bout. There wouldn’t be any scoring in the final jam, and Scare Force was free to celebrate a very impressive first season with the first DCRG championship trophy.

Scare Force ends the season 5-0, while the Bombshells go 3-2. Harley Quinn led the scoring for Scare Force One with 29 points on 7 jams, while teammate Meatball was just a hair behind with 28 points on 5 jams. For the Cherry Blossom Bombshells, it was Deja Bruise in the lead with 15 points on 11 jams. DC’s travel season begins on November 17th, as the Dutchland Rollers head down from Lancaster, PA to take on the newly minted DC all-star team.

In the third-place bout for the DC Rollergirls’ first season, the DC Demoncats solidly defeated a persistent but overpowered Secretaries of Hate and laid claim to third, 98-36.

The first jam of the bout looked like it might be good news for the underdogs, as Hater jammer Goldrush managed to nab lead jammer, but then became caught up in the pack and failed to call the jam before opposing jammer Blonde Fury had already gone all the way through and picked up 4 points to just 2 for Goldrush. The Demoncats would be hard on the Haters for the next three jams, shutting them out each time while putting up scores of 4, 7 and 5 to bring the score to Demoncats 22, Secretaries 2. It wasn’t till the 8th jam of the bout that the Haters would get a jam win, with Inconvenient Ruth getting lead and 3 points in shutting out Demoncat jammer Blonde Fury (your humble reporter would like to break character for a moment here to point out that “Inconvenient Ruth” is, like, the best name ever.) The Demoncats would get it back and more on the following jam, as Camilla the Hun would lap Goldrush in the course of getting a big 9-1 win that made the score Demoncats 34, Secretaries 8. Inconvenient Ruth, though, would not be denied, and put up the highest score of the bout to answer, a 10-0 over a penalized Camilla the Hun. When the half ended a couple of jams later, the Secretaries were still in the game with the score DC Demoncats 42, Secretaries of Hate 21.

Blonde Fury of the DC Demoncats is skating rather fast. Photo credit: Calvo

Gigantic Hater Nation flags were swinging over in turn 2 to try and exhort the Secretaries to redouble their efforts as the second half began, but it would be the Demoncats that stepped up their offensive output — and perhaps more importantly, managed to get lead jammer for seven jams in the row in the early part of the half, keeping the Haters from getting positive point differentials. Four jams into the period, it was still a game at Demoncats 61, Secretaries 30, but a four-jam explosion for the Demoncats, along with penalty trouble for the Haters, would put it out of reach. First, Camilla the Hun would go 5-0 over Inconvenient Ruth and then Blonde Fury would match it with another 5-0 over Ruth (who was finishing out a penalty from the previous jam). Next up, it was Lois Slain’s turn to keep the jammer penalty seat warm over two jams, as Camilla got a 4-0 and Blonde Fury finished the run with a big 7-0. That moved the score to Demoncats 82, Secretaries 30 with about 8 minutes to play, and the ‘Cats all but had it in the bag. In the end, the score would stand at DC Demoncats 98, Secretaries of Hate 36. The Demoncats end their first season at 2-3, while the Secretaries end winless at 0-5.

Additional reporting: Johnny Zebra, Charm City Roller Girls

It’s been a phenomenal couple of weeks for roller derby in the Big Media. This time it’s the Washington Post magazine, dedicating an in-depth cover story to the DC Rollergirls, with a focus on the currently undefeated Scare Force One. It’s a little dated, as it covers a period of time from the league inception up to their first bout in March, but it gets remarkably deep into the personalities of the team without sacrificing space for actual information about gameplay. It also provides a vital public service by warning DC residents that messing with SixFiveOnSkates will get you punched in the damn face. More articles like this, please.

(But for the love of all that is holy, journalists, can we PLEASE retire the “By day, they’re [occupation], [occupation] and [occupation], but by night they roll on fishnets, strap on skates and become [city] Rollergirls!” blurb? Seriously, if I read it one more time I will vomit and fall over, perhaps not in that order.)