At last, the 2008 Detroit Derby Girls home season is at an end, and what better way to end the season than with a double-header featuring two games with all four of the DDG teams in action!

In the consolation game it will be the winless (0-3) D-Funk Allstars taking on the 1-2 Pistolwhippers. That game is followed by the DDG Championship game between the 2-1 Devil’s Night Dames vs. the 3-0 Detroit Pistoffs.

The games are at the usual location in the Drill Hall at the Masonic Temple in downtown Detroit, MI. Doors open at 6pm, first game starts at 7pm.

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ST. PAUL, MN — In the closing bout of the Minnesota season-ending doubleheader, the Rockits capped off an undefeated season with a hard-fought win over a tenacious Dagger Dolls team, 41-32.

Rockit Harmony Killerbruise and Dolly Roxanne Rolls jammed to begin this final match. Harmony bounded through the pack taking the first lead, while Scarmen Hellectra rolled Roxanne to the back twice before the veteran Doll could pass the pack. While Roxy escaped and took two, Harmony scored four points for the Rockits. Vuedoo Prodigy and Sparkle Ninja – both with two full years under their belts – next lined up and took off. Norah Torious delivered Vuedoo to the back of the pack after almost scoring a quick pass-through, but the Prodigy nonetheless took the lead and scored two while the Randi and Coochie of the Rockits slowed Sparkle Ninja.

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It’s been a quiet week in Saint Paul, Minnesota. The snow waits to fall on the populace. There’s not one derby player in this city, the exact geographical center of roller derby in America, who isn’t looking at a sky the color of television static and showing it her finger. But just as the winter will at last dissipate into a new spring, the mighty Minnesota Rollergirls must end their 4th season on Saturday, April 12th at the Roy Wilkins Auditorium in Saint Paul.

The Garda Belts take on the Atomic Bombshells in a third place bout that will bring the fans of derby from far and wide to their feet and and then to their knees, begging for more.  And after a halftime show by E.L.nO., the greatest cover band of our time, it’s all systems go as the Rockits take on those poisoners in pink known as the Dagger Dolls for the right to raise the Golden Skate high in the Legendary Roy Wilkins Auditorium.

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The Bronx Gridlock ascended to the Gotham Girls Roller Derby pinnacle in front of a raucous sold-out crowd at CCNY’s Nat Holman Gymnasium, defeating the two-time defending champion Queens of Pain, 95-90.

The 2007 finale coincided with a tidal wave of positive local derby publicity, including the front page of that morning’s New York Times. The buzz attracted a handful of local glitterati, including E Street Band guitarist Steve Van Zandt, aka “Little Steven,” aka “Silvio Dante” on HBO’s The Sopranos. Next season, could we see Spike Lee and Tyra Banks squabbling over front row seats?

The fans also included visiting derby girls from Boston, Providence, Windy City, Kansas City, Garden State, New Jersey Dirty Dames, and Suburbia Rollergirls. A mixed ref crew from Gotham, Boston, Providence, NJ Dirty Dames, Garden State, and Connecticut called the action.

The bout opened with the announcement of a few ‘fan favorite’ awards, tallied via on-line polling. The Brooklyn Bomb Squad took ‘favorite jeerleaders,’ The Persuader (Queens) won ‘favorite mascot,’ veteran Lefty Leibowitz won ‘favorite announcer,’ and Flying Squirrel danced his way to ‘favorite referee.’

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The most highly trained and nationally acclaimed journalists and editors from the Paper of Record take a swing at writing a roller derby lede. Surely they will come up with a unique way of grabbing reader interest, something that throws off the old tired lede template, something clever and different and … oh, nevermind.

By day, Jennifer Donovan works as an astronomer, listening for the faintest whispers from atoms in deep outer space, the tracings of movement in galaxies millions of light-years from Earth.
 
But it is nighttime. And in an abandoned cigar factory on a deserted street in Astoria, Queens, Jennifer Donovan, the astronomer, has become Luna Impact, roller derby chick.

Enough carping, though: you don’t get too much more mainstream news-worthy than the NYT, so this is a moment for derby to be proud of. Also check the video, featuring interviews with the Bronx Gridlock’s Ginger Snap and Brigitte Barhot, the Queens of Pain’s Cheapskate, and GGRD head ref Mr. Rawk. Not too shabby (even if a subtitle stating there are currently 48 leagues active in roller derby undershoots the real total by about 150 percent…)

The Bronx Gridlock cabbies challenge the dominating Queens of Pain this Saturday for the Gotham Girls Roller Derby Golden Skate Championship Trophy. Sovereign Suzy Hotrod intends to lead the two-time defending champion Queens of Pain on a path towards a three-peat, but head dispatcher Ginger Snap might have something to say about it. Last year it was Queens that crushed Bronx’s first-season dreams, beating them by one single point in the semi-finals; this year, Bronx will stop at nothing to steal the crowns and end the reign of Queens in Gotham.

The Queens of Pain roll into the bout sporting a 2-1 record, having had little trouble disposing of the Manhattan Mayhem 179-77 in August and the Brooklyn Bombshells 122-76 in July. The Bronx is 3-0 on the season, but their path to perfection hasn’t been without a few potholes. While they did cruise in their most recent bout, a 144-98 win over the Brooklyn Bombshells, they nearly squandered a 35 point lead in July when they faced off against the Manhattan Mayhem, managing to hold for a dramatic 101-99 win. Meanwhile, the seesaw GGRD season-opener went 118-107 for Bronx over Queens, and as the derby fates would have it, this matchup will be the season closer as well.

The Gridlock jamming fleet of Bonnie Thunders, Beatrix Slaughter, Brigitte Barhot, and rookie Luna Impact expose themselves to the whips and paddles of Ana Bollocks and Donna Matrix while the Queens’ point scoring army of Suzy Hotrod, Cheapskate, Scarlet Rage and rookie Tera Dyketyl face the Bronx’s relentless pivot Kandy Kakes and destiny’s problem child, Beyonsláy.

Expect tears to punctuate the end as original Queens of Pain girls, Joey Hardcore and co-captain Rolleta Lynn, have announced their retirement following this final bout of the 2007 season. Queens will seek additional inspiration from a special appearance at the Championship by the reclusive Greta Turbo, who is out with two spiral bone fractures in her leg. Bronx counters sentiment with insanity as the unpredictable Pop Rox returns for what may just be her last Gotham game.

UPDATE: The Gridlock dethrone the Queens of Pain, 95 to 90 (full recap to come).

42 Beatrix Slaughter // 40 Beyonsláy // 340 Bonnie Thunders // 60 Brigitte Barhot // 15 Daizy Chainz // 80 Ginger Snap // 10 Kandy Kakes // 667 Lemony Kickit // 29.5 Luna Impact // 1900 Murder City Mandy // 24 karat Pop Rox // 20 sheRAW // 36DD Speed McQueen // 3.14 Tiger Bomb

The Philly Roller Girls ended their 2007 season on Saturday, November 10th with the second half of a double header event dedicated to the Warrior Cup championship bout. The evening’s main event had the Broad Street Butchers (1-2 coming into the bout) in a 50-minute rematch of last year’s final bout with the Philthy Britches (3-0 before the match), and once again, the Philthy Britches would end the season as undefeated champions, 93-48.

Joy Collision (in white for the Butchers) is hot on the heels of a vaguely Mo Pain-shaped blur of blue. Photo credit: Photo credit: Roman Torres

The first jam of the night saw the Britches’ Mo Pain take to the jammer line against Vixen Van Go Go for the Butchers. The speedy Mo is usually first to claim lead jammer, but it would be Van Go Go claiming the first lead jammer prize of the evening. The Britches lost their pivot Violet Temper on a major penalty for dropping Vixen with a trip, but the action played out in the Britches’ favor — Mo was able to score 3 points and Vixen was forced to call it off to keep the margin small. For the second jam, the Butchers sent out their guest skater from Charm City, Joy Collision, to jam against Gloria Grindem. Joy showed the Philly fans some of the stuff that is making her a standout name in the world of roller derby by earning lead jammer, scoring 4 points and calling the jam in a mere 35 seconds, leaving the Britches scoreless in that jam and giving the underdogs an early 4-3 lead. That would be as good as it would get for the Butchers, though, as it was the only point in the two-period bout where the Butchers would be on top.

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The 2007 battle for the Philly Rollergirls championship is also a rematch of last year’s clash, as the Philthy Britches look to repeat as champions by defeating the Broad Street Butchers again. At the time of last year’s championship bout, the Butchers and Britches were both undefeated, but their fortunes have gone different ways since. The Butchers have gone 1-3 this season, leaving themselves in a three-way tie for second place in the league and getting into the championship game on a point-differential tiebreaker. Meanwhile, the Britches continue to polish a pristine record, never having suffered a loss in their two seasons of existence.

The Britches’ roster, led by captains Mo Pain and Violet Temper, remains pretty much as it has been all season. They lost Rosie Bloodbath to a knee injury in July and Janet Meano started the season with an injury, but has since returned to the track. The team added a half dozen players right before the start of the 2007 season and has been playing with the same roster since their first bout in August.

Britches co-captain Violet Temper. Photo credit: ChaiTGuy

The Butchers’ roster, on the other hand, has had some fluctuations due to injuries and players moving. The imposing Summer Assault has transferred to Rat City and newly acquired Carolina transfer Roxy Rockett is out on injury. To plug the holes left, the Butchers will be skating with two guest players: Suzy Skullcrusher rejoins her old team for an evening after leaving for Lehigh Valley earlier this season, and the sensational Joy Collision comes up from Baltimore’s Charm City Roller Girls to lend a hand as well.

The Butchers come in as underdogs here, but if they make this a defensive game and keep the Britches’ jammers from putting up lopsided scores, it’ll give the fans quite an end to the 2007 season.

UPDATE: A tight game through the first half, with lead jammer status almost evenly split, but the Britches begin to pull ahead as the half comes to an end at 41-26, and a slow start for the Butchers in the second half along with a big 13-4 win for Mo Pain over Shenita Stretcher allows the Britches roll to their second championship in their second undefeated season, 93 to 48 (full recap to come.)

Ada Baby M80 // Annie Christ 777 (co-captain) // Black Eyed Susan 9 // Butterscotch Cripple 42 // Joy Collision 747* // Leggs Benedict 04 EZ // Shenita Stretcher 305 // Slay Belle 90210 // Suzy Skullcrusher 213* // Tara Newone 76 // Vixen Van GoGo (co-captain) 00

Cindecent Exposure 711 // Dara Licks 67 // Dotti Horror 7 // Gefilte Fists 18 // Ginger Vitis 93.3 // Gloria Grindem 1972 // Janet Meano 40 oz // Megan Trouble 11 // Mo Pain 8(co captain) // Olivia Face 668 // Violet Temper 06 (co-captain)

The DC Rollergirls pulled off an impressive hat trick with their media coverage of their first championship bout — print media from the Washington Post, radio from NPR, and this quick hit from Reuters. It’s definitely not the most in-depth feature you’ll ever see, but it does manage to focus on the sport over the spectacle, and hey, it’s Reuters. It also seems to include a short clip of some referee running his mouth, but pay no attention to that part.

In the DC Rollergirls’ first championship bout, Scare Force One put the finishing touches on a dominating run, remaining undefeated by beating the Cherry Blossom Bombshells 97-36.

The imposing Scare Force lineup waits to take the track. Photo credit: Calvo

The bout opened with Scare Force One jammer Harley Quinn dropping a double grand slam on the Bombshells’ Deja Bruise for a 10-0. It was the beginning of an explosive opening for the air women, who would shut out the Bombshells for the first four jams of the bout. making the score Scare Force One 22, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 0. The Bombshells would finally get on the board in Jam 5, where SF1 jammer Meatball went to the penalty box during her opening pass and Kimono Dragon was able to get 2 points out of it. In a way, the momentum shifted to the Bombshells for a little while as they were able to get lead jammer for the next four jams in a row — unfortunately for the underdogs, they were rarely able to turn it into a positive point differential. The Bombshells got their only jam win of the half when Deja Bruise scored a 1-0 over Harley Quinn as Bombshells blocker Five-Ho delayed Harley’s exit from the pack for a fair bit of time. It was the beginning of some more effective blocking from the Bombshells — on the next jam, a crowd-pleasing hit from Bombshell Hippie Longstocking launched SF1 blocker Condelezza Slice into her own jammer Meatball, sending them both to the floor. However, with Bombshells jammer Pam Backhand stuck in the penalty box, Meatball had enough time to run up a 9-3 on that jam, and SF1’s Phang would follow up with a 9-4 as her blocker Trampon leveled Deja Bruise twice on her opening pass. That brought the score to Scare Force One 40, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 10 with about 5 minutes left in the period. On the second to last jam of the half, Scare Force’s Six Five on Skates and Madeline Allfight were all over the hardy Deja Bruise, allowing Meatball to run up 9 points and calling off the jam before Bruise could get anything. As the half ended, it was Scare Force One 53, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 14.

Scare Force would continue the assault as the second half opened. Perhaps looking to give Deja Bruise some rest, the Bombshells put out Guantanamo Babe at the jammer line to start the half, but she was severely bounced around by a tough Scare Force defensive platoon of Helena Handbag, Phang and Trampon, and Harley Quinn zipped around the track for an 11-0 win. Six Five and Demabrat would do the same to Deja Bruise on the following jam, giving Condeleeza Slice the opportunity for a quick 5-0. The Bombshells finally found a way to stop Scare Force on the third jam of the half — unfortunately, it turned out to be in the form of a high elbow from Bombshells blocker Hippie Longstocking to Scare Force jammer Phang, leaving Phang on the floor and Hippie headed to the penalty box on a major. With Phang getting 3 points to 2 for Pam Backhand, that left the score at Scare Force One 72, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 16, and the points would continue to rain down for the rest of the half.

With only about 3 minutes to play, the Cherry Blossom Bombshells would have their best moment of the bout. A Harley Quinn journey to the penalty box allowed Deja Bruise to get two 5-point passes, putting up a 10-0 and moving the scoreboard to Scare Force One 97, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 36. However, it was far too late to affect the course of the bout. There wouldn’t be any scoring in the final jam, and Scare Force was free to celebrate a very impressive first season with the first DCRG championship trophy.

Scare Force ends the season 5-0, while the Bombshells go 3-2. Harley Quinn led the scoring for Scare Force One with 29 points on 7 jams, while teammate Meatball was just a hair behind with 28 points on 5 jams. For the Cherry Blossom Bombshells, it was Deja Bruise in the lead with 15 points on 11 jams. DC’s travel season begins on November 17th, as the Dutchland Rollers head down from Lancaster, PA to take on the newly minted DC all-star team.