By the final whistle on Saturday night, the Philly Roller Girls 2008 intraleague seeding will have been determined. Although any skater on either the Philthy Britches or the Heavy Metal Hookers would tell that her team should be first-ranked, we’ll find out for sure when the two teams meet head-to-head in the second of the evening’s two bouts. First up, however, the Broad Street Butchers face off against the Carolina Rollergirls’ Trauma Queens, who hope to fare better at the hands of a Philly home team than their sisters the Debutante Brawlers did in their 65-77 loss to the Hookers in March.

The Trauma Queens have only one bout to their name this year - a win vs. the Tai Chi-tas - while the Butchers are winless against the other Philly teams this year and have yet to play visitors from another league. The Butchers will be hoping to sharpen their skills in preparation for the East Coast Derby Extravaganza in June, at which they will challenge the Dutchland Rollers of Lancaster, PA; however, they will surely miss the services of all-star jammer Persephone (broken hand in her team’s 46-92 loss to the Hookers in April) as well as blockers Skirt McGirt and Jane Fondle.

The second bout of the evening will see the new and improved Heavy Metal Hookers taking on the 2006 and 2007 league champs, the Philthy Britches. The Hookers are claiming that 2008 is the “Year of the Hooker,” but the Philthy Britches have never lost a bout in three years of intraleague action and are coming in hot with big wins recently versus Harrisburg (142-92) and the Connecticut Rollergirls (123-36). This also happens to be a preview of this year’s Warrior Cup championship bout, as both teams have secured a spot in the finals. Even though the outcome of this meeting will not affect who plays in the June championship, the teams will surely be using this occasion to prepare their game plans for that meeting - and bragging rights are on the line.

The Hookers may be playing with out 2007 league MVP Teflon Donna, as her spot on the roster will be a game-time decision; the Britches will skate without two of their powerhouse blockers, Rosie Bloodbath and Dara Licks.

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FEASTERVILLE, PA — On Saturday, March 15, Philly’s local Heavy Metal Hookers team continued a remarkable resurgence by defeating the Debutante Brawlers, a visiting local team from Carolina Roller Girls, 77-65. After starting their existence 1-6 over the course of the first two Philly home seasons, the Hookers have now won two in a row in 2008 against tough interleague competition.

A near-capacity crowd looked on as the first match-up in the doubleheader started with Robin Drugstores jamming for the Hookers and Carolina’s Holly Wanna Crackya wearing the star for the Brawlers. Crackya picked up lead jammer status but was only able to gain one point before calling off the jam after just over one minute. Mandawar followed her effort by earning LJ and converting it into the first 4 points of the evening for the Hookers. That jam also saw a hit of questionable legality from Hooker Wreckin’ Eyez that kept opposing jammer Faye Tality scoreless — and also kept her out of the action for the remainder of the evening.

The Hookers never surrendered their lead. Wendy Whiplash’s effort in the fourth jam - a 12-2 decision over Deviled Legs - and a virtuoso performance by former Carolina skater Teflon Donna - a 15-0 run against Legs just four jams after Wendy’s outing - helped to seal the Hookers’ advantage early in the bout. In the latter jam, Teflon took full advantage of a one-minute penalty to Legs: though she was declared lead jammer, Teflon let the clock run to its two-minute limit and racked up a pair of extra points for lapping the pack with her counterpart in the box.

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The first bout of the PRG Season opener sets up a unique match-up between former team mates as Teflon Donna’s new home team, the Heavy Metal Hookers, host her former home team, the Debutante Brawlers from the Carolina Rollergirls.

The Hookers had only one win previous to their thrilling January victory over Charm City’s Junkyard Dolls, but a combination of bout experience and a shakeup of the league rosters mean that they’ve got a good chance at stepping up to challenge for this year’s Warrior Cup. Since the PRG league restructure, the Hookers have taken two veteran players from the now-defunct Hostile City Honeys (Felony Griffith and Teflon Donna) and have added 3 new rookies. The Cycrone played in January’s exhibition bout against the Junkyard Dolls and Miranda Slambert makes her Hooker debut as a recent draft pick. Rookie Ida Bangder was also taken in the same draft as Slambert, but unfortunately suffered a collarbone injury just days before her first bout, leaving her out for most, if not all of the 2008 season.

Carolina’ Brawlers landed in second place during the 2007 Carolina home season, and the Hookers will absolutely have their hands full with them, as they’re coming from the #3rd-ranked league in the nation. They’ll be bringing four members of the all-star roster that managed to knock off the #1 Kansas City Roller Warriors in December — Holly Wanna Crackya, Shirley Temper, Kitty Crowbar and Billy the Kid. Also notable on the Carolina roster is ex-DC Rollergirl Dame Nation, skating in her first public bout as part of the CRG organization.

This bout will certainly offer stunning displays of fearless blocking and monster hits, while fans can expect to see some of the best jamming skills derby has to offer.

Dotti Horror 7 // Euro Thrash XIV (captain) // Ivana Rock 11 // Leggs Benedict 04EZ // Mandawar 333 // Miranda Slambert R5 // Robin Drugstores 714 (captain) // Teflon Donna 85 // The Cycrone! 63 // Val Halla 17 // Wendy Whiplash 1369 // Wreckin’ Eyez 4 Sale

Billy the Kid #ACE // Dame Nation #34 // Deviled Legs #8 // Elka Meano #454 // Faye Tallity #420 // Holly Wanna Crackya #9#9#9 //Kali #51 //Kitty Crowbar #110 // Krewesader Kate #72 // MC Fyte #12 rounds // Pink Slip #224 // Shirley Temper #56, captain

The second annual East Coast Derby Extravaganza takes place June 21 and 22 in Philadelphia, featuring 21 WFTDA teams playing a total of 20 regulation bouts, and the Philly Roller Girls have just released the schedule. We’ll have much more detailed previews as we draw closer to the big weekend, but at first glance there seem to be a number of bouts that have a viable claim to marquee status:

(4) Texas vs. (5) Gotham. This clash of titans is a derby fan’s dream — some thought it might be the final bout of last year’s Nationals tournament, but Kansas City and Rat City had different ideas. It’ll also go a long way towards determining whether Carolina or Gotham deserves to be top dog in the East — Carolina defeated Gotham at last year’s ECE and took out #1 Kansas City in December, but Carolina has also been unable to topple Texas in two attempts.

(9) Philly vs. (7) Windy City. Philly had the bad luck to draw an arguably under-ranked Gotham team for their first bout at last year’s Eastern Regionals, and was one-and-done. At the same tourney, the underrated Windy City shocked Madison and Carolina on consecutive days and took the trip to Nationals that Philly had hoped for. If there’s such a thing as a grudge match between two teams that have never faced each other before, this would be it!

(21) Denver Roller Dolls vs. (5) Gotham and (21) Denver Roller Dolls vs. (3) Carolina: Relatively recent WFTDA addition Denver continues to demonstrate absolutely no fear of the upper echelons of derby play. They recently played #1 ranked Kansas City, and while they lost 150-80, the experience they gained is incalculable — if they could upset either one of their opponents on ECE weekend, it would have a seismic effect on the rankings.

Note that the next WFTDA quarterly rankings will come out in April, so the rankings above will almost certainly be different by the time the bouts are actually played.

(additional reporting by Hurt Reynolds)

Full list of WFTDA bouts at ECE 2008 under the jump:

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In a high-level matchup that was probably even more intense than the substantial pre-game buzz would have suggested, the #4 Carolina Rollergirls just barely managed to get the better of national champions Kansas City in their first bout as #1, ending up on the right side of a coronary-inducing conclusion, 96-95.

As the last seconds tick off, Carolina’s Denise Lightning gets an early start on the victory celebration. Photo credit: Robert Allison

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More details coming later (like, after the afterparty and its attendant repercussions), but Carolina just completed a squeaker of a win over national champions Kansas City, 96 to 95. Carolina held what appeared to be a commanding 48-22 lead after the first period (keyed by a pivotal 19-0 jam from Denise Lightning, who got to jam unopposed for a full two minutes Kansas City’s jammer was just a bit late getting on the track), but Kansas City completely owned the second period, outscoring the home team 44-19 to pull to within one point at 67-66. KCRW took the lead momentarily early in the third, but both teams played exactly evenly through the period, leaving the score tied at 95-95 with 1:47 to play. Carolina’s Denise Lightning would get a crucial lead jammer call that let her clinch a 1-0 win over Snot Rocket, and there wouldn’t be quite enough time left in the game for KCRW to get another scoring pass in.

Hell of a game, and one that’ll definitely put some interesting complications in the next WFTDA ranking vote! Full recap to come.

It’s tough to overstate how big a matchup this one will be. National champion Kansas City is traveling to Carolina’s picturesque Dorton Arena to defend their #1 ranking for the first time since winning it by knocking off the previous #1, Rat City, in the final bout of the Texas Shootout on September 30. Earlier on that same day, KCRW advanced to the title game by holding off a persistent attack by this very same Carolina team. Carolina was ahead for the majority of the first half in that bout, and although the momentum swung to Kansas City for the lion’s share of the game, Carolina reeled off a run at the very end that came up just a little short, leaving Kansas City with a hard-fought 116-108 victory. This time around, both teams will be equally fresh, but Carolina gets the home-court advantage — will it be enough to swing the outcome?

Kansas City brings out most of the same squad that rolled to victory in Austin, including the MVP of the Texas Shootout, the seemingly bionic Xcelerator. Along with Dust Devil breakout star Snot Rocket, Kansas City boasts quite possibly the deadliest one-two jammer punch in all of roller derby — and they still have Dominant Jean and Jade Lightning, no slouches themselves on the second line. In the pack, Bruz-Her, Patti Wackin and Princess Slay-Ya key a blocking squadron that is justifiably renowned for playing extremely smart and extremely hard, having bested the toughest competition in the land in Austin. The Roller Warriors will be without Xavia, though, who was a crucial element of their earlier defeat of Carolina. One other element that might be working against them is a little bit of rust. They’ve had no public bouts, interleague or intraleague, since their Shootout win — of course, given the magnitude of the competition they faced to get it, it’s tough to begrudge them a short vacation.

Carolina also took a little time off after Nationals, but they got back in action just two weeks ago, and they’re coming off a 74-45 home win against Bay Area on November 17th. Not surprisingly, the home team will be fielding their very best roster for this one, led by co-captains Princess America and Shirley Temper. Betty Rumble and Violent Femme, both of whom sat out the bout against Bay Area, will be back in uniform, and star jammer Denise Lightning is reportedly recovered from a minor injury sustained at the Texas Shootout.

Carolina loves to play a very defensive, low-scoring game, but Kansas City did a fairly good job of forcing them into their speed game at their Shootout battle — the Kansas City / Carolina bout there was the highest-scoring bout of the whole tournament, which is definitely not the way Carolina prefers to roll. It’s a hoary old sports cliche to say whoever controls the tempo of the game will win it, but it definitely applies here — lead jammer status is likely to be even more crucial in this matchup than most, as the Kansas City jammers have repeatedly shown they can turn a game entirely around in the course of a full-length jam.

1492 Princess America // 17 Ms. Anthrope the Mordant // 56 Shirley Temper // 223 Denise Lightning // 110 Kitty Crowbar // 73 Zella Lugosi // 13 Eva Lye // 11 Betty Rumble // 10 Militia // 37 Violet Femme // 1 Billy the Kid // 131 DVS // 999 Holly Wanna Crackya // Kelly Clocks’Em 212

244 Bruz-Her // 111 Annie Maul // 19 Rita Ploy // 911 Patti Wackin // XOXO Princess Slay-Ya // 59 Archie Lee // 999 Bad Omen // 11 Jessika Rabid // 1UP Missile Toes // 4 Snot Rocket // 34 Xcelerator // 007 Dee Claw // 816 Jade Lightning // XX Dominant Jean

Please realize, first and foremost, that I’m a week overdue on this assignment. I worked the bout in question, and was kept quite busy by the action on the track: as such my distinct recollections are few and far between. Though Carolina’s home stats team was kind enough to share some of their numbers with me between periods, I am still left with a lot of gaping and seemingly-unrecoverable memory lapses. Post-Thanksgiving food coma, hangover, and currently-in-progress beers may have negative effects upon brain power as well (further research is needed before this can be established as fact). In the meantime, gonzo journalism may be the only practical solution.

The following statements are true: 4th-ranked Carolina Rollergirls faced off against 13th-ranked B.ay A.rea D.erby Girls on the evening of November 17th at the Dorton Arena in Raleigh, NC. Dorton is, without a doubt, the most attractive derby venue that this writer has ever laid eyes on. The building seems to have been designed with the same quasi-futuristic sensibilities in mind that elsewhere produced such contemporary structures as Disney’s Epcot Center - but with a much stronger eye for normalcy. The local folk will tell you that if you visit the arena at the right time of day during the right time of year, and the blue glass windows catch the sun just right, you’ll be treated to a spectacle that is nearly as beautiful as it is blinding.

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Saturday night’s matchup between 4th-ranked Carolina and 13th-ranked Bay Area has a bit of history to it, as the teams met in the first two national-level flat-track roller derby tournament events. In February 2006, Carolina knocked the B.A.D. girls out in the first round of the Dust Devil single-elimination tournament, 107 to 77, and seven months later they defeated them again in a 20 minute bout at Seattle’s Bumberbout, but that time by a much closer score of 30-24. When Carolina vs. Bay Area was scheduled at the beginning of the year, Carolina was sitting in 7th place in the WFTDA rankings, while Bay Area was at 9th. A great deal has happened in the interim, though, and the leagues have gone in opposite directions since then.

Much was made of Carolina’s loss of three marquee players over the course of this year — Roxy Rockett and Teflon Donna went to Philly and Eris Discordia has been long sidelined with a collarbone injury — but Carolina, even more so than most teams, has demonstrated that their whole is greater than the sum of their parts. They added ex-AZRD skater Denise Lightning to a core group that features the smashing blocking of Militia and DVS, the nimble jamming of Zella Lugosi, the double-threat fan favorite Princess America and the infinitely reliable Shirley Temper, and continued to rise in the WFTDA rankings.

The girls from Raleigh can lay quantitative claim to being the hardest-working team in roller derby — their last four games have been against the #1, #3 and #6 teams in the nation in Kansas City, Texas (twice) and Tucson. Although they only have one win to show for that tough run (a 80-73 upset win over Tucson in the first round of September’s national tournament), they also took two of the three losses down to the wire — 64-59 against Texas at home and 116-108 against national champions Kansas City. The remaining loss, a 110-46 blowout to Texas, showed one of Carolina’s few weak spots … they tend to fade in the later stages of a multi-game tournament, but when adequately rested for a single 60 minute showdown, they’re capable of defeating any team in the sport.

Bay Area, on the other hand, hasn’t seen too much recent interleague derby action, but the one recent game they did have was remarkable: a completely dominating 126-8 win over unranked WFTDA upstarts Angel City. Bay Area has never been a team to take their foot off the gas when they’re ahead — in February, they smoked Pikes Peak 198-15 at the Dust Devil Western Regionals — but the Angel City win was made even more impressive by the fact that Bay Area was missing one of their best players in Kitt Turbo, who’d suffered a broken ankle not long before the bout. It’s hard to accurately judge Bay Area’s chances in this bout, with all of their 2007 history being blowouts of lowly ranked teams or blowouts by highly ranked teams, but the history of the two teams, along with Carolina’s recent high-level competition and B.A.D.’s loss of Kitt Turbo, would seem to suggest that Bay Area comes in as significant underdogs. Be that as it may, captain Miss Moxxxie and standouts Racey Lane and Taxi Scab will be working hard to lead their team to what would be an exceptional upset.

Additional reporting: Southbay

UPDATE: Carolina rolls to victory in a low-scoring contest, 74 to 45.

Princess America (Co-Captain) 1492 // Shirley Temper (Co-Captain) 56 // Bianca O’Blivion 83 // Billy the Kid ACE // Denise Lightning 223 // DVS 131 // Eva Lye 13 // Holly Wanna Crackya 999 // Kali 51 // Kelly Clocks’em 212 // Kitty Crowbar 110 // Militia X // Ms. Anthrope the Mordant 17 // Zella Lugosi 73

Kitt Turbo (Injured, Bench Coach/Captain) 667 // Miss Moxxxie (Co-Captain) XOXO // Taxi Scab 50cents // Racey Lane 1314 // Sassy Slayher -30.06 // Polly Puredread 676 // Killer Vee 33 // Liza Machete 1 // Lusty Malice 4 // Motley Cruz 06 // Kimfectious 47 // Diane Rott 78 // La Femme Nikilla AK47 // Demanda Riot 0:00 // Lemme Chokeya 88

In the third-place match of the Texas Shootout, hosting league Texas bounced back from their tough loss to Rat City just one hour earlier. The match turned out to be a rematch of a battle in Carolina that had taken place just 15 days earlier, when Texas had barely held off Carolina, 64-59. This time around, though, Carolina looked like they were reaching exhaustion after two very tough bouts against Tucson and Kansas City. While Carolina stayed in the game for the first half, their endurance finally ran out in the second half, allowing Texas to start running away with the lead. In the end, Texas would keep a secure hold on to their third place ranking with their 110-46 win.

photo credit: insanitylabs

The bout would kick off with a number of neck-snapping momentum swings. On the first jam, Texas jumped out to an 8-0 lead as their captain and jammer Bloody Mary lapped Princess America. Mary would go to the penalty box on a major during that jam, but even though the next jam started with Mary in the box, Carolina’s Betty Rumble couldn’t do better than a 1-1 tie. Zella Lugosi had a big jam in Jam 3, going 8-0 over a penalized Cat Tastrophe to tie the game at 9 all, but things began to look bad for Carolina after that, with Texas delivering two 9-0 jams in a row to bring the score to 27-9. It was then Betty Rumble’s chance to strike back hard, as Texas failed to send a jammer to the start line in time and Rumble would thunder through the pack for 10 unopposed points, making the score a more respectable Texas 27, Carolina 19. The margin remained there for a few jams, but then Texas’ seemingly tireless Rice Rocket dropped a 7-0 jam on Princess America, who was showing serious signs of fatigue after being heavily relied on in the previous two bouts. That brought the total to Texas 37, Carolina 22, and with Texas picking up lead jammer status for five jams in a row near the very end of the period, they were able to nickel-and-dime the lead up to 23 points going into the half, sitting on a 54-31 advantage.

In the second half, Texas would continue to score their points at about the same clip, while the tiring Carolina squad could only put up half as many points as they’d scored in the first. Carolina remained scoreless for the first three jams of the period (one of which ended early on a once-in-a-blue-moon happenstance — Carolina jammer DVS losing her helmet cover when it got stuck to some loose Velcro on Texas blocker Derringer’s elbow guard), and only scored 4 points in the first 10 jams of the period. Meanwhile, Texas took lead jammer of 8 out of 9 jams to start the period, and their jammers were suddenly finding it a lot easier to sneak past the weary opposition. With about 12 minutes left to play, it was Texas 89, Carolina 35, and while Carolina managed to step up their scoring output a little bit in the last few jams of the bout, they were still held to just 15 points in the 30 minutes of the second half. However, with their stirring defeat of Tucson on the previous day, and by taking eventual tournament champions Kansas City down to the wire, Carolina had more than earned their fourth place finish. Final score was Texas 110, Carolina 46.

Additional reporting: Reckless Ndangerment, Charm City Roller Girls