HUNTSVILLE, AL — On April 20th, the Nashville Rollergirls competed in their first away game of the 2008 season against the 39th-ranked WFTDA member Dixie Derby Girls of Huntsville, Alabama. The Nashville girls went to Huntsville with the intention of shaking the 2-game losing streak that seems to have set the tone for their second season. Even with the close losses in their past two outings hanging over them, Nashville brought with them a complement of fans and their signature can-do attitudes. In a season fraught with close battles and even closer point margins, it seemed Nashville had finally broken the streak, only to be disappointed by yet another narrow defeat.

Period one began slowly with Slammylou Harris getting edged out for lead status by C.U. Afterclass, in a 7 to 4 first jam. Ramb0 Samb0, jammed behind the blocking of newcomer Eurine A. Hole, and old favorites Bootsy Brawlins, Slugs Bunny, and Olive Turmoyl in the fifth to claim the second of her 3 shutout jams in the first period and to keep Nashville close behind Huntsville.

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(edit: score corrected from NYSE 127 to NYSE 125)

KENDALL PARK, NJ — In a meeting of The Original vs. The Best on Sunday night, the undefeated kings of East Coast men’s derby continued their dominance over their regional rivals, as the New York Shock Exchange ground out a relentless 125-44 win over a valiant but outnumbered and overmatched Pioneer Valley Dirty Dozen from Northampton, Massachusetts.

This was New York’s first defense of the “Athletic Cup” trophy they claimed after their April 2007 debut against Pioneer Valley — an unofficial yet highly coveted representation of excellence in the field of male derby. New York came into the bout fielding a full roster of 14, while the Dirty Dozen had to do nearly double duty, with only 8 skaters suiting up for the matchup.

Pioneer Valley took the first jam of the 40-minute bout as recent PVRD acquisition Jurasskick Park managed to sneak between NYSE blocker Darth Invader and Angelo Death to claim lead and get a 3-1 win over NYSE superstar Jonathan R, but that was the only time they’d enjoy the advantage. On the next jam, Mothra got the NYSE in front to stay with a 4-0 over Dr. Spankenstein, as the Dr. got bottled up by T-Stop Tornado and Jonathan R. taking solid control of the front of the pack.

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BALTIMORE, MD — In the second of back-to-back narrow upsets in Charm City’s third season opener, last year’s third-place Junkyard Dolls surprised the two-time CCRG champion Night Terrors by a final of 74 to 63.

Both teams relied heavily on new blood in this contest. The Night Terrors, adjusting their gameplan after losing most of their jamming core during the 2007-2008 offseason, got a solid debut from rookie Minnie Piledriver — who led the Terrors with 18 points — and also key performances from Speed Regime transfer Psycho78 (17 points) and third-year veteran Rosie the Rioter (15 points.) The Dolls also had a significant Speed Regime transfer in Flo Shizzle, who led the scoring with 32 points and sealed the win with some late-game heroics.

As the bout kicked off, the Terrors immediately fell into a hole when leadoff jammer Marzipain went to the penalty box in the very first jam on a cutting-track major — opponent Flo Shizzle would score 7 points in that full-length jam, and followup Doll jammer would get a 9-3 win over Marzipain in the following frame. This left the Terrors looking at a disheartening 16-3 start after just two jams, but they’d regroup quickly.

Pulling lead jammer on 5 out of the next 6 jams, the Terrors went on a dominating 31-7 run — keyed by an 8-0 for Psycho78 over Ella Fitz-Peril in both jammers’ team debuts — that lifted the defending champs to a 34-23 lead.

But with things starting to look a little grim for the Dolls, team captain Dolly Rocket chose that moment to give her team a major boost by taking the jammer star on consecutive jams — first, she got lead and a 4-2 win over Psycho78, and then went right back to the jammer line for an explosive 10-0 win over Minnie Piledriver that put the Dolls back in front, 37-36.

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DENVER, CO — May 3rd brought Providence Roller Derby’s 15th-ranked Rhode Island Riveters to Denver to bout the Rocky Mountain Rollergirls’ 5280 Fight Club, ranked 14th in the nation. Both teams recently walked away from close defeats – Fight Club lost to 13th-ranked Charm City in March while the Riveters suffered a narrow upset to the unranked Maine Roller Derby less than a month ago. Regardless of past bouts, it was generally assumed that this would be an extremely close match due to these two teams’ spots next to one another within the rankings.

Things started off with RMRG’s She Who Cannot Be Named up against PRD’s Hysterica! on the jammer line. She Who grabbed lead as well as four points, calling it off before Hysterica! could make it to the pack. Next up, RMRG’s Frida Beater faced off against PRD’s Cleo Patronize, adding nine points for a total of 13 while PRD was still stuck at zero. RMRG continued to rack up the points and keep PRD at zero until the tenth jam of the game, when Hysterica! managed to score four points as well as gain lead jammer, though by this point RMRG was already at 39 points. Hysterica!’s points were the only ones to be put up on the scoreboard throughout the first period for PRD, with halftime putting RMRG at 67, PRD 4.

While the Riveters had no shortage of hard hitters such as Bunnicula and Burnin’ Helen, they seemed to be suffering in the jammer department – Hysterica! would be the only point scorer of the game as well as the only jammer to successfully gain lead with the exception of one jam by Cleo Patronize. Fight Club’s defense was outstanding, however, with pivot Winona Fighter controlling the front throughout the majority of the game while blockers Madam Maimya, Ida Hustler, Pinky 500 and Assaultin’ Pepa built unbreakable walls and consistently kept the PRD jammers from ever leaving the pack. The final score found RMRG at 137, PRD 9.

The top scorers for RMRG were Frida Beater with 60 points and She Who with 58. Frida grabbed lead jammer 70% of the time while She Who earned it 69%. Luscious Smacksome and Smashbox earned nine points each, while Ida Hustler scored one.

PRD’s only point scorer for the night was Hysterica! who earned 9 points and gained lead jammer 33% of her time on the track.

Rocky Mountain doesn’t waste much time before their next challenge, heading down to Phoenix to take on Arizona Roller Derby this Saturday, May 10th. Providence’s next action will be their local season opener, as the Old Money Honeys take on the Mob Squad on May 30 — but they’re next in all-star action at Philly’s East Coast Extravaganza on June 21 and 22, taking on 22nd-ranked Atlanta on Saturday and 13th-ranked Charm City on Sunday.

BALTIMORE, MD — A resurgent Mobtown Mods team went from worst to first in Charm City’s local season opener, thrilling their fans with a back-and-forth 74-58 win over last year’s second-place Speed Regime that came down to the very last jam.

While the off-season addition of two-time league MVP Joy Collision was a major factor in their victory — she scored 44 of the team’s 74 points — a strong second-half showing from Lady Quebeaum, along with some effective pack play from Judy Boom, Penaltyna and Angthrax, were crucial elements of the win. On the Speed Regime’s side, rookie jammer Bambi’s Revenge made an impressive debut with 17 points on 4 jams, while Stormin’ Mormon led the Regime point totals with 19, and transfer Holly Go Hardly (playing against the team she played for last year) was a monster in the pack.

For the first few jams of the bout, it looked like the Mods were going to go down to another of the lopsided defeats that characterized their winless 2007 season. After an opening 1-1 between Stormin’ Mormon and Joy Collision, the Speed Regime took lead jammer on the first five jams of the bout and constructed a 15-1 lead. However, after a Mod timeout, the red-and-black came storming back, opening with a massively crowd-pleasing 14-0 jam for Joy Collision over Deathany (who’d spend a minute of the jam watching from the penalty box) and following up with a 4-0 victory for Duchess of Torque over Stormin’ Mormon.

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CHICAGO, IL — History and logic would favor the Fury for this match-up, but, with their characteristic disdain for reality, the Manic Attackers launched their assault on common sense with a ferocity that left their opponents looking nervously over their shoulders all night long. In a game that was expected to be a blowout, the Manics managed to remain in the game till the very last jam, finally falling 69-63.

The Fury disabled list left jammer phenom Kola Loka, pivot/blocker mainstay Hausa Pain and rookie Tall Drinka Slaughter languishing on the sidelines, but the Manics’ injuries were far more crucial: Malice With Chains, Mo Vengeance and Val Capone were banged up and dressed in their civvies.

As the teams lined up and commenced play, it was rather noticeable how well the Fury controls the front of the pack and how relatively shrimpy the Manics looked next to the big broads the Fury put on the rink. Yet the Manics found multiple ways to keep themselves in contention.

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CHICAGO, IL — What’s to be done about Varla Vendetta?

Every time she dons the star, she rockets through the pack before everyone else gets more than half a lap into the jam. Saturday night, the officials declared her lead jammer before the Double Crossers could even lay a lick on her. Even the referees seemed astonished.

She seems to accelerate precipitously coming out of the first turn. The Crossers sooner gauged her velocity when she would suddenly blast off right past them. Physics-wise, she has mastered some sort of slingshot effect, that pushes her to somewhere between mach five and warp one, leaving the Crossers lunging at the point she occupied a millisecond previously. Defend that, if you can!

The Double Crossers had a number of other problems last night, but this had to be the most intractable one. Their reputation for strategic smarts was no help to them here as they seemed unable to adjust their game to
match the Belles’ ability to control the pack, which served to totally shut down any potential opposition to the blinding power of their hellish jamming. It’s hard to see any obstacle to the diabolical debutante Belles’ inevitable drive to the Ivy King Cup.

In their last ditch attempt to slow down the juggernaut, the XXers threw everything they could (including each other) at the Belles, circulating in and out of the penalty box at a steady rate. And though Lucy Furr’s determined jamming made a few chinks in the score, and Anne Arkie redeemed Crossers pride with a 10-point jam late in the second half, there was not a lot of suspense here. Double Crossers fans can take comfort in knowing that the assassins remain in the running for a playoff berth. These teams will likely butt heads again.

On May 10th, the Windy City home regular season comes to a close as the Manic Attackers get the Double Crossers and the Fury tries to stop the Hell’s Belles.

Photo: Katie Stapley

DENVER, CO — In a heavily defensive game, Denver’s superior speed proved to not quite be enough to handle Duke City’s superior blocking, and the visiting Duke City girls controlled the tempo of the game to take a bruising 72-51 win in front of 2300 fans in the first match at Denver’s Fillmore Auditorium.

After falling to a 31-6 deficit in the first half, Denver managed to mount an impressive comeback that brought them to within 33-22 at the end of the first half, but Duke City reasserted control at the beginning of the second half and never let Denver close to within single digits.

Duke City’s Bullet Tooth Tracy put on a seminar in pivoting all night; her blocking at the front of the pack saved numerous lead jams for her team, while Duke City veteran Amanda Jamitinya had a breakout performance at the jam line with a couple of momentum-swinging big jams.

For Denver, Sheila Tack proved to be the only jammer consistently able to evade the Duke City defense, while Boo Boo Radley and and Disco a Go-Go keyed their defensive play.

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DETROIT, MI — April 12 saw one of the greatest matches in Detroit Derby Girls history, but when the dust had finally settled it was the Detroit Pistoffs narrowly edging the Devil’s Night Dames by a score of 89-84. These are the two top teams in the DDG in 2008, and they showed why. There were 12 lead changes in the game, and the largest leads were 9 points for the Dames and 8 points for the Pistoffs. Each team was within 3 points of the other team after 27 of the game’s 40 jams.

Going into the final jam of the 3rd period the Pistoffs led 86-84. The Dames sent out their ace jammer Racer McChaseHer (who jammed 9 of the 3rd period’s 15 jams) versus the Pistoffs’ Effin’ Money. But it was the Pistoffs building a mighty wall with Smashing Darling, Elle McFearsome, Cookie Rumble, and Bikini Killer who first forced Racer to take an off-track detour and then held her up long enough for Effin’ to sneak through and get lead jammer. Effin’ was able to come around and score 3 points on that jam, and smartly called off the jam just as Racer had finally come around to the back of the pack to try to score. Then there wasn’t enough time to get another jam started, and that’s how it finished. It was a fine example of how derby should be played.

Each team featured a veteran lineup, although the Dames had 4 “fresh meat” (rookies) amongst their 12 skaters in uniform. The Pistoffs had 11 skaters for the game, all with previous DDG experience except for Maim West, who had formerly skated for Providence.

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By Matt DeCapitator, additional reporting by The Statisfier

ENOLA, PA — Sunday, April 20th saw the Nuclear Knockouts kick off Harrisburg Area Roller Derby’s 2008 season with a long-awaited bout against the Philthy Britches, one of the Philly Rollergirls’ intraleague teams. Five of the Britches’ thirteen skaters were returning to the track for the second night in a row after skating to a 47-145 loss against the Gotham Girls in New York City with the Liberty Belles travel team on Saturday. These five, as well as their teammates, were out for victory, blood, and redemption. But the weekend’s prior action wasn’t the only history brought to the rink on the 20th: in December of 2006, the Knockouts took quite a shellacking in the form of a 193-73 outing against another of Philly’s home teams, the now-defunct Hostile City Honeys. Eager to prove themselves a more formidable competitor than the team that the Philly skaters remembered, the Knockouts had more than just revenge in mind. In the end, however, the Philthy Britches emerged victorious, beating the Knockouts 142 to 92.

The evening’s action commenced with the Britches’ Gloria Grindem shutting out the Knockout’s Nash Villain 5-0. The Britches continued the lead in the second jam with Racey Intent scoring 3-2 over Harrisburg’s Rainbow’s Revenge. H.A.R.D.’s NastyNiss emerged as lead jammer in the third jam and skated to a 3-3 tie with Philly’s Mo Pain, followed by another tie of 2-2 between Harrisburg’s Mother Trucker and Philly’s Violet Temper. In the sixth frame, Rainbow’s Revenge was able to put some substantial points on the board for the Knockouts, scoring 10-6 over Racey Intent in spite of a leg injury sustained midway through the spin at the hands of Philly’s tough defense. Injury played a part in the next jam as well when Harrisburg’s Cruel Britannia was knocked into the infield with a nasty leg injury, only to find herself directly in the path of a referee. The jam was called off, but not before the ref had tripped over that same hurt leg. Fortunately, the injury was not serious enough to keep Britannia off the track for more than a few jams.

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