Weekly Rollup & Open Thread, 4/30/2010
Sigh. Just like Star Trek, modern derby has its very own Mirror Universe.
Neil Gaiman writes about having dinner with the Naptown Roller Girls (and a Naptown Roller Girl writes about having dinner with Neil Gaiman.)
Complete and fairly high-quality video from 4/17's New York Shock Exchange vs. Pioneer Valley Dirty Dozen bout (NYSE won the bout, but it is notable for being the first time NYSE was ever trailing at halftime.)
This is not a very good rules test.
Part II in a series of Cincinnati Rollergirls TV spots in which rollergirls block annoying objects and/or people. This could go on for awhile.
And finally, here's another entry in the seemingly endless list of "Roller derby is BACK!" pieces, but this one, on Philly and featuring interviews with Teflon Donna, R2-DCup, Leggs Benedict and Sunshine Skate, features some pretty high production values.
Comments
you already have Ben Roethlisberger, leave derby alone
"In our new-school of Roller Derby, men are granted a license to explore their dark side of aggression, angst and violence," said Tim Patten. "No more being Mr. Nice Guy. No more being the worker bees cow-towing women's favor. No more becoming a frou-frou little puss for a smile..."
Wow. Just wow. And more wow.
*hangs head*
"In our new-school of Roller Derby, men are granted a license to explore their dark side of aggression, angst and violence," said Tim Patten. "No more being Mr. Nice Guy. No more being the worker bees cow-towing women's favor. No more becoming a frou-frou little puss for a smile..."
I am embarrassed. Thankfully Bay City Bombers don't represent sportsmanship. They represent theatrics.
I'm somewhat tempted...
...to form a one-time men's team called "The Frou-Frou Little Pusses" and challenge them to a game played under any ruleset they want. We would skin dey ass good. I'd just have to find 13 other guys willing to play in miniskirts.
I tripple dog dare you.
So there.
Action, not words, son.
Cheerleaders
Can a bunch of us castrating females stand on the sidelines with giant cheshire cat grin signs we hold up every time you please us?
I say start making calls to people & set this up.
So there.
Action, not words, son.
I think I know 3 or 4 guys that would probably do this just for the fun of it.
I'd announce the hell out of
I'd announce the hell out of that bout.
You would have an entire
You would have an entire league (who shares a city with these PR geniuses) willing to house you, feed you, and support you loudly, if you did. We may even consider debasing our feminine supremacy to fan you with palm fronds and hand-feed you grapes at the halftime. Beers would flow plentiful at the victory party!
Yes
I look fucking fabulous in a miniskirt. Bring it!
No
I look fucking fabulous in a miniskirt.
No. You fucking don't.
And
Count me in.
This is looking awfully like the Team SeXY roster
Maybe we re-brand ourselves for One Night Only and skate under assumed names for our assumed names. Unicorn, Rainbow, Starchild, Flower, Lavender, Shimmer ... this is starting to sound like actual fun...
In and in.
I would like to be all up in the One Night Skate. I'd have no problem rocking a miniskirt yo. Maybe I could be called Squeaky McCleany?
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
HELLARAD EMPLORES YOU.
I bet we could even get Dirty D from Sacred City to come out of retirement for this one. OMGSRSLY.
Dudes?
xo
-Moxxxie
HELLARAD
www.wearehellarad.com
The people have spoken
I'm going to start looking into setting something up. I have no idea what the percentage chance of success is, but stay tuned.
yes, the people have spoken...
and DNN needs a couple of bucks.
Smells like a fundraiser to me. I'd skip work and buy a ticket or three. Just sayin'.
YES!! you should ask some
YES!! you should ask some twin city terrors to come along. a few of them already have a nice selection of derby skinz... a miniskirt is the next logical step!
OMG
I can totally see Quadzilla in that jersey too. *laugh*
Two words are KEY in that press release.
Tim Patten
Tim helps promote (promote as in the PR sense of the word, not managing) that league (ARSD). Voluntarily, I might add. Probably spending his own money to do so. While suffering from a serious medical condition. Watch "Jam" if you want to know more. One of the best derby docs I've seen, just one about a very different flavor.
Generally he does his promoting with YouTube videos and his "fan site." His site kind of suggests the league is his old ARDL, though it's actually Dan Ferrari's ARSD. Note also that the team is usually called "Bay City Bombers" (which it was in Tim's ARDL) whereas the current team are actually called San Francisco Bay Bombers (as it used to be in the NRDL/IRDL days when Jerry owned it).
Tim has a unique and unusual sense of humor. Odds are fair to middling that Dan Ferrari probably had no idea that release was going out like that. And well, it certainly got SOMEONE's attention, didn't it?
As strange as this might seem to many of you, among the various classic derby skaters/promoters (he's been both), he is probably one of the most supportive people out there towards today's derby scene. In his own special way. And man, does that piss a few people "over there" off from time to time.
Yanking chains and rattling cages is what he does. Honestly I think he should have a regular column in Hellarad. Beyond all that, he's actually a pretty nice guy.
"cow-towing"
heh.
heh heh heh.
Real men don't spell.
This is gonna be fun.
Oh yes it is.
The Good, the Bad & the Funny
The Good: Cincinnati's commericals are b@d@$$! Plum Street Productions is da bomb. And, check out our scary new rookies, Kitten Kicker and Penni Pusha! (Be afraid. Be very afraid.)
The Bad: Mirror Universe. Yeah, I like the bank track. I love derby. But, I hate that "retro-sexual" whatchamacallit bull$#!t. (You want to see real men playing real derby, check out the Shock Exchange/Pioneer Valley video.)
The Funny: I only got 50% right on the rules test. My answer to question 2 was: "Because I will totally berate him." That wasn't the correct answer evidently.
More men's derby.
(You want to see real men playing real derby, check out the Shock Exchange/Pioneer Valley video.)
And if you want to see real men playing real derby live, check out Pioneer Valley this weekend when they take on the Connecticut Death Quads:
http://www.pioneervalleyrollerderby.com/
(hint hint plug plug plug)
That...
...is not a very good rules test.
Rules Test
I failed. Boo.
I had better brush up on my ruleset before the boutcast of Denver's Mile High Club vs. the Texecutioners next week. So excited! Who from DNN is coming out?
I'll be there
So will Mercy Less. Cannot wait.
rog....
you rock!
Girl Fawkes
patiently pretending to work while secretly writing line-ups...
Skirt me up
I don't care who that guy is, its a bunch of phony bullshit and what ruined derby before. You can promote something without making crap up and resorting to played-out stereotypes. It's bad for the sport and bad for an increasingly tolerant and equal humankind.
Can say I've never lost the "dark side of agression" while at the same time dedicating most of my life to supporting the ladies in this sport.
Harboring violence towards phony derby and inequality above all else,
AK-40oz... call me "Sprinkles"
can't you make the track bigger?
Anyone else hearing that comment from new fans?
I know WFTDA has a standard track - are non-WFTDA affiliated leagues following the same dimensions, or deviating from them?
WFTDA track size = pretty much universally used
Apart from perhaps a small handful of leagues who shrink the track in very small venues, the WFTDA track standard appears to be in universal use for modern flat-track roller derby.
Probably the best way to address the fan question is to indicate that the track size is designed to fit in a wide variety of locations. Just like basketball courts don't get larger just because there's more room in a big arena, the derby track stays at the standard size regardless of venue.
Of course, the next step might be a chat with the folks at 1stBank Center about alternate seating configurations. I'm guessing they've got you in the hockey layout, which can just about fit two tracks end to end. I bet they've got a basketball setup, which would be too small... but maybe there's something in between? Like a half-basketball/half-hockey arrangement?
With the relationships you have there, you just might get to invent the modern roller derby arena configuration :) can't wait to see this weekend!
layout
You'll definitely see very soon! Looking forward to hosting everyone :)
Right now our setup is: http://tickethorse.com/ImageServer.ashx?imageID=696 (although where the cutout is on section 117 and back, there is a stage setup on which we have basically a living room setup for fans with couches, etc)
Loose change in the seat cushions?
(although where the cutout is on section 117 and back, there is a stage setup on which we have basically a living room setup for fans with couches, etc)
Green with envy.
Live derby from a couch? Yes, please.
Couches!
I think Oly has something similar. When we were there watching the Charm City bout, they had a couch on a raised platform right off of Turn 3. =)
Also, last year when Rat City played Duke City in ABQ, they had a couch on the sidelines near Turn 4 that they raffled off for the 2nd half of the bout! It was pretty awesome!
Cardinal Fang, fetch the Comfy Chair!
Yes, Oly has a big couch on a platform by turn 3; they sell raffle tickets for it before the bout as a fundraiser for travel expences. Rainy City (Centralia) and I think Dockyard (Tacoma) do similar raffles.
track
I wish we would actually expand the track size a bit.
This is doable
I know several skaters that agree with you. But expand by how much? I think you might be surprised that a proposal could get accepted rather quickly. It's not like a huge cost is involved.
Expanding the track?
The track seems plenty big when I'm jamming and trying to catch back up to the pack. Bigger track = fewer points.
Nitpicking
Depends on what sort of "expand the track size" Holly is talking about. It could mean keeping the inside line the same but expanding the outside line, which wouldn't make a lap any longer, but would make the track wider giving more room, which would presumably mean larger holes which would imply more points.
In fact, extra width could make laps faster if it increases your available turning radius.
whoa whoa whoa
Hold your horses! I can see a few major issues involved with expanding the track, one of them possibly involving a huge monetary cost for some leagues.
1) Some leagues' practice spaces can just barely hold the current track. The Rocky Mountain Rollergirls' warehouse comes to mind. I'll bet they're not the only league. If they couldn't fit a track in their practice space, they definitely wouldn't be able to host sanctioned bouts or scrimmages. And practicing without a track would probably be detrimental to performance. If they have to move, that would probably require some cost.
2) I would argue that expanding the track would significantly alter the game such that rankings would get majorly shifted around. I don't know how long it would take teams to relearn the new track.
3) Lastly, I don't understand why fans want to see a bigger track. Having a small track makes the game less about pure speed, making it more interesting to watch and to play. Having a larger track would mean fewer jammer passes, which would result in less hitting and fewer points scored.
Track size
Well I can only speak for my league, VCDD, when I say that we use the WFTDA standard track dimensions, even though we are not WFTDA affiliated.
I'm actually pretty amused by
I'm actually pretty amused by the whole Retro-Sexual Revolt press release. I'm generally not adverse to stirrin' the pot ((any pot)) a little bit myself, just for grins -- but, that said, what i find most amusing about said press release is that, in tone and intent, it totally reminds me of the old XFL press releases -- issued before the XFL had ever played a single game. "WE'RE REAL MEN!" "WE PLAY REAL FOOTBALL!" "WE'RE NOT A BUNCH OF EFFETE PUSSIES!" "WE PLAY FOOTBALL THE WAY IT WAS MEANT TO BE PLAYED!" It's like...Vince...your guys haven't played A SINGLE GAME OF FOOTBALL yet. From what imaginary stockpile of empirical evidence do you base these claims of superior manliness? DON'T BUY ANY GREEN BANANAS, NFL!!! THE XFL BAYS AT YOUR HEELS WITH ARDENTLY CLAIMED CLAIMS OF SUPERIOR MANLINESS!!!
I can't skate worth a shit, but i don't mind wearing mini-skirts. Can i be on the team for one play, in which i fulfill my derby strategist's dream of bulldogging the opposing jammer, and skating out through the crowd to the concession stand with him in tow? I've always wanted to do that and see if it was just a major or an ejection. I want my name to be "Taffy." Either that or "Rosebud Wauwatosa."
That would be awesome if Team
That would be awesome if Team SeXY showed up to play the Bombers, and the Bombers looked exactly like Team SeXY, but with goatees.
The Mirror Universe
That would be awesome if Team SeXY showed up to play the Bombers, and the Bombers looked exactly like Team SeXY, but with goatees.
absolutely HILARIOUS!
I could go for that. I really could.
Personally, I would love to see the Team Sexxy guys come out for a few sessions of open time on the track in any universe.
Other than the smaller
Other than the smaller practice track they had at the Doll Factory to fit a smaller space before they tore a wall out, I haven't seen a non-standard WFTDA track in years. Even the Doll Factory has a WFTDA standard flat track now.
=======
Tim Patton successfully scores a double troll on both the old schoolers and modern derby peeps. Genius. He's not actually associated with the promotion, and they wish he'd shut up. In recent years, Tim's switched sides and keeps trying to get his former associates to abandon "worked" derby for a legitimate game, and this "PR" release looks like an attempt to embarrass them and get our community's panties in a twist at the same time: to get our annoyance directed at his former associates, even if the immediate fire is drawn to him personally.
Mad respect to Tim for this achievement.