NORTH OLMSTED, OH -- The Burning River Roller Girls concluded their Derby 505: Stomp & Circumstance evening with the championship match between the 3-1 Hard Knockers and the 4-0 Hellbombers. When the dust had settled, it was the Hellbombers keeping their 2008 record perfect while winning their 2nd straight BRRG championship as they throttled the Hard Knockers 74-45. The Hellbombers defense dominated the 1st half as the ‘bombers led it 45-16 at the break. The Hard Knockers were able to skate to a 29-29 tie in the 2nd half, but could not dent the lead and so had to settle for 2nd place in the BRRG for 2008.

The game started fairly even. The Hellbombers had a 12-5 lead after 4 jams, then the ‘bombers Stroker Ace put up a 13-0 jam with 2 grand slams to open up a 20 point lead, then later in the 1st half Stroker put up a 5-0 jam win, and the ‘bombers led by 29 points at the half. In the half, the ‘bombers had more lead jammers, 6-3, with 3 jams having no lead.

After 3 jams in the 2nd half, the ‘bombers led by 34 points. Then the Hard Knockers got 5 lead jammers in a row, and cut the lead to 20 points with about 10 minutes to play in the game. But in jam 10 CoCo Sparx put the game out of reach for the Hellbombers with a 10-0 slam win to up the ‘bombers lead to 30 points. There were only two regulation length jams after that and one runt jam of 12 seconds, and the Knockers couldn’t catch up. In spite of the Knockers having more lead jammers in the 2nd half, 8-3, they couldn’t get any closer.

Earlier this season, the Hellbombers defeated the Hard Knockers 72-54. Last season the Hard Knockers were undefeated going into the championship game and the Hellbombers knocked them off to win the title. The ‘bombers were guarding against the Knockers returning the favor this year.

1st Half

Rusty Wheeler interview with Hellbomber's captain Ivanna Destroya (1:51)

The game opened with the ‘bombers Stroker Ace and the Knockers Mommy’s Little Monster skating to a 3-3 tie. In jam 2, the Knockers Validator got lead when the ‘bombers jammer CoCo Sparx got detoured into the infield on account of a hit from Rogue Cheddar; however, when Validator came around to try to score she got held up on the back of the pack and so CoCo was able to sneak by for a 2-0 jam win for the ‘bombers before Validator could call off the jam. That gave the Hellbombers the lead at 5-3, and they never lost it the rest of the way. Jam 3 was a 2-2 tie between lead jammer Ida Bitter of the ‘bombers and Skank Williams (Sr.) of the Knockers.

Jam 3 was called off when Ida hit the deck after a hard collision with Mommy’s Little Monster. The EMTs were quickly on the scene to check out Ida, but she popped back up on her skates quickly and was dancing around to demonstrate she was in fact OK.

Jam 4 started the rout for the Hellbombers with captain Ivanna Destroya getting lead and a 5-0 grand slam win over Rogue Cheddar . Both jammers were stuck in the pack for a lengthy stretch, then Rogue was sent to the penalty box (the first of numerous trips to the box for that bad girl on the evening).

Surprisingly, the Hard Knockers were skating without their jammer and their blockers were appearing to slow the pack rather than speeding it up. That helped Ivanna get her slam. Ivanna finally got lead jammer with 35 seconds left in the jam and then called the jam so Rogue, who was back on the track, couldn’t score. The score jumped up to 12-5 ‘bombers after that jam.

Jam 5 was an even bigger win for the ‘bombers as Stroker Ace detonated a 13-0 double grand slam win. The ‘bombers blockers totally corked the Knockers jammer Mommy’s Little Monster in the pack. Even a minor uniform malfunction for Stroker couldn’t deter her from continuing to rack up as many points as she could. That raised the ‘bombers lead to 20 points at 25-5.

The next 3 jams were fairly even. The Knockers won their first jam in jam 6, as Validator won it 4-2. The Validator was able to get lead due to a nice block by teammate Rogue Cheddar on the ‘bombers jammer CoCo Sparx. Then Skank Williams and Ida Bitter skated to a 3-3 tie in jam 7. Ida had lead jammer, but both jammers entered the pack and scored together. That was followed by a 3-2 jam win for the ‘bombers Ivanna Destroya in jam 8, although the Knockers Validator had lead in that jam. Validator benefited by a block by Knoxious Mallory to enable her to get the lead.

Jam 8 was stopped by the referees when the ‘bombers Dame Gerous took an elbow to the head and fell to the track. Although Dame was shaken up, she appeared to be OK afterwards. And yep, you guessed it, it was Rogue Cheddar who done it and who was sent off to the box again to pontificate over her misdeed. After jam 8, it was 33-14 for the Hellbombers.

Stroker Ace got another 5-0 grand slam win for the ‘bombers in jam 9. She called off the jam while on her back. She was put in that position by a hard block from Skank Williams. CoCo Sparx added another 4-0 jam in the ‘bombers favor in jam 10. Coco got through the pack first but was waved off as lead. The Knockers jammer, Rogue Cheddar, was trapped in the pack. After scoring some points, CoCo got knocked down in the pack and tried to call off the jam, but the jam continued as she was not the lead jammer. Eventually Rogue was sent off to the box (again) and the Knockers’ blockers prevented any more scoring by CoCo in that jam. It was 42-14 for the ‘bombers.

Jam 11 ended early. Rogue Cheddar was still in the box at the jam’s start, and before too long she was joined by the ‘bombers jammer Ida Bitter, so the referees whistled the jam to a close. With both jammers in the box, each team had to choose a skater currently on the track to become the new jammer. The Knockers chose Mommy’s Little Monster; the Hellbombers chose Stroker Ace. Mommy’s got lead, but Stroker won the jam 3-2 as the half ended. Stroker won the jam although she was concentrating on trying to block her opposite number.

The Hellbombers led at halftime 45-16, also shutting out the Hard Knockers in 6 of the half’s 12 jams.

2nd Half

The Hard Knockers struck first in the 2nd half when the Validator got an early lead jammer over Stroker Ace, scored 4 points, and quickly called the jam. But the Hellbombers Ida Bitter bested the Knockers Skank Williams 9-4 in jam 2. Ida got lead, but Skank was nipping at her heels. At one point, Skank passed Ida in the pack, but the referees were making some sort of gestures towards Skank. It seemed Skank thought she was to proceed to the penalty box and so voluntarily dropped back, although it turned out she did not go to the box but stayed on the track. In any event, Ida took advantage of the situation to score a grand slam in the jam. Skank did go to the penalty box at the end of the jam, though. The ‘bombers lead was up to 30 points at 54-24.

With Skank Williams starting jam 3 in the box, CoCo Sparx took lead jammer, scored her 4 points, then as Skank was back on the track and approaching the back of the pack preparatory to scoring, CoCo called off the jam. Before jam 4 got under way, there was an official’s time-out. After a confab, the officials sent the pivot’s helmet cover to the Validator of the Hard Knockers who was sitting in the penalty box.

The Hard Knockers then put on a concerted effort to get back into the game. Mommy’s Little Monster fended off a hard shoulder from the ‘bombers Kansas Twist’r to gain lead jammer and a 4-0 jam win in jam 4. Rogue Cheddar won jam 5 for the Knockers 5-0 with a slam in a hard-hitting jam. Rogue tripped over Ida Bitter and Ida was banished to the box. Rogue was helped along to her slam as her blockers bounced the ‘bombers jammer Stroker Ace off the bottom of the hockey-style boards surrounding the track. Stroker was a little slow getting back up after the vicious hit.

Skank Williams got lead for the Knockers in jam 6 but quickly called the jam when she was passed by CoCo Sparx so there was no score in that jam. The Knockers got another 5-0 grand slam jam win in jam 7, this time Validator doing the honors. The Validator was helped along by her blockers who did an excellent job containing Ida Bitter in the pack. Suddenly the Hellbombers lead had been cut from 34 points down to 20, at 58-38.

Next up were two standoff jams. Jam 8 between Mommy’s Little Monster and Ivanna Destroya was 2-2, followed by a scoreless jam between Rogue Cheddar and Stroker Ace. Mommy’s earned lead in jam 8 after absorbing a hard block from CoCo Sparx, then Mommy’s teammate Cherry Venom rocketed a ‘bomber blocker into the suicide seats to help Mommy’s get her points. Stroker got through the pack first in jam 9, but shortly after Rogue got lead and called the jam.

There were about six minutes left on the game clock when jam 10 got under way. The Hellbombers CoCo Sparx fought hard to get lead jammer and had to evade a wild blocking attempt. When the Knockers jammer Skank Williams got sent to the penalty box with her 4th minor (for cutting the track), CoCo ran wild and ended up with a 10-0 jam win with a grand slam. That put the ‘bombers lead back at 30 points at 70-40 and pretty much iced the win as there was only enough time left in the game for a couple of full length jams.

Jam 11 was another 4-4 draw between the Validator and Ida Bitter (Rogue cheddar going to the box yet again), then jam 12 was won by the Knockers Mommy’s Little Monster, but only by a 1-0 score. Mommy’s did suffer a big knockdown by Morbid Cherub in that jam. The final jam of the night, jam 13, got under way with only 12 seconds on the game clock. Since Burning River was not using the WFTDA 3.1 rules, that meant the game was over, so the two jammers, Rogue Cheddar and Stroker Ace, just wrestled each other to the track. it was a totally mock fight, and three refs quickly joined in the festivities followed by some other skaters so that when the final buzzer sounded the track looked like a rugby scrum. In spite of the 74-45 pounding the Hellbombers inflicted on the Hard Knockers, and in spite of the hard hitting on the track, much derby love was exhibited by all. Presumably, they will all live happily ever after.

In the 2nd half, the Hard Knockers shut out the ‘bombers in 8 of the half’s 13 jams (although jam 13 was exceedingly short). In spite of that, and also in spite of a 8-3 lead jammer advantage in the half, the Knockers could only manage a 29-29 tie in the half and so couldn’t mount a comeback. Credit the fierce Hellbombers defense for their victory, as even when the Knockers had lead jammer they couldn’t manage to score enough points. In the Knockers 11 lead jams in the game, they were only a combined plus 15. In the ‘bombers 9 lead jams in the game, they were a combined plus 45.

Afterthoughts

With the victory, the Hellbombers rolled to their second Burning River Roller Girls title, going undefeated in the BRRG 2008 season. The Hard Knockers finished in 2nd place with a 3-2 record. The Knockers were able to beat the Rolling Pin-Ups and Cleveland Steamers, but lost both games in ’08 to the Hellbombers. It should be noted that the trophy, called the “Hazard Cup,” was a hazard to anyone who tried to lift it off the table. It must weight somewhere in the vicinity of 100 pounds (someone said it was 80 lbs), so it is a definite team trophy as it takes most of a team to lift it.

Statistics

The Hellbombers Stroker Ace was high scorer in the game with 24 points (all in the 1st half) while jamming 8 times with 3 leads and 3 grand slams. Other ‘bombers scorers: CoCo Sparx (22 points, 6 jams, 2 leads, 1 slam); Ida Bitter (18 pts, 6 jams, 3 leads, 1 slam); Ivanna Destroya (10 pts, 5 jams, 1 lead, 1 slam).

The Hard Knockers were led by The Validator with 19 points in 6 jams with 5 leads and 1 grand slam. Other jammers: Mommy’s Little Monster (12 points, 7 jams, 4 leads); Skank Williams (9 pts, 6 jams, 1 lead); Rogue Cheddar (5 pts, 6 jams, 1 lead, 1 slam).

Defensively, I would give the nod to Ivanna Destroya who captained and led a strong team defense for the Hellbombers, and to Rogue Cheddar of the Hard Knockers. Rogue was always in the thick of the hitting, although she did spend too many minutes in the penalty box which did negate some of her defensive efforts.

Future

Burning River next takes to the track with a travel team away game versus the Dairlyland Dolls in Madison, Wisconsin on Saturday, August 30.

The next Burning River home game has the travel team hosting the Fort Wayne Derby Girls on Saturday, September 13. This is, surprisingly, the first time the BRRG has had a home travel team game. The game is at their BRRG home rink in North Olmstead, Ohio.