CICERO, IL -- On Saturday night, the number eighteen-ranked Minnesota Roller girls visited Chicago for a friendly evening of the old skate-and-bump, but the proceedings quickly devolved to rout, with the WCR running away with the match and the MRG with an acute case of scoreboard fatigue.

In the first twenty minutes, Minnesota's offense completely failed to materalize, allowing for Chicago to build a nearly unprecedented 85-0 lead. Presumably, the Minnesota bench was already adding up the dismal minutes until they could limp back up the Northwest Toll way, but it was at this point that the MRG secured their first opportunity at lead jam. To the appreciation of all assembled, Harmony Killerbruise saved Minnesota face and scored a grand slam (with two of her blockers in the penalty box, no less). Hanna Belle Lector scored a few more before half-time, but Windy City had put three digits between the teams by the intermission at 112-7.

The second half opened with a series of scoreless jams, with Minnesota blockers double- and triple-teaming Megan Formor and opposing jammers battling down the stretch; however, Shocka Conduit then broke through for a monster 15-pointer and the rout was back on.

Minnesota jammers saw less daylight than vampires, with Megan and Malice w/ Chains consistently stranding them in the pack. On the occasions when they penetrated that gauntlet, Hoosier Mama, Blossom Bruiso and company buffeted them unmercifully, scattering them like skittles. With the bleachers filled with fans eager for their money’s worth of action, there was no stopping the game until it lurched toward its ordained conclusion.  

Minnesota’s star player and 2008 MVP, Jawbreaker, showed why she's on the unofficially national all-star team, Team Awesome -- she earned a ton of cred with the Windy City fans from her monster blocks, stellar jamming and gutsy play. Team captain Suzie Smashbox also distinguished herself in picking up some late-game points while imitating a human Weeble; successive poundings from Megan, Malice and Ying spun and wobbled her but failed to bring her down.  

While it is customary to dwell on Chicago’s dominance on defense, on this occasion Windy City also won hands down on speed. Varla Vendetta, Eva Dead, Shocka Conduit, Yvette Yourmaker and Ying O’Fire all fattened their stats with double-digit jams. Varla led the way with three 15-pointers. The “Varla Effect,” where the opposing blockers look back over their shoulders for her just as she blasts past them, was in full effect. Also, Eva Dead put on an exceptional show, ducking, weaving, jumping and even cracking her stoic visage with a spontaneous smile.  

The biggest ovation came the second time the WCR turned the scoreboard over, an unprecedented event. For those wondering, the numerals went from 199 to 000, giving Minnesota a chance to sneak ahead on points. However, the scorekeepers proved too alert to allow such a subterfuge. Final score: Windy City Rollers 206 – Minnesota Roller Girls 18.

On September 6, Windy City leaves the friendly confines of Cicero for the high altitudes of Denver as they take on #12 Rocky Mountain. Oddly enough, Minnesota is in the same city against the other WFTDA league the very next weekend, battling #25 Denver on September 12.

Photo: Katie Stapley