BotB From Behind the Lens

By BossHogg, Last updated Sun Jul 13 2008 4:36am

With all the wildfires burning in California this past weekend, I found myself pleasantly surprised that Los Angeles actually had better air quality than the rest of the state.  Little did I know eventually there would be fire and smoke emanating from the The Doll Factory as the LA Derby Dolls were hosting the Battle on the Bank in Historic Filipino Town.  I had not been to the Doll Factory since December’s championship and it was great to see everyone again.  If ever you have a chance to see the LA Derby Dolls, do it!

Mojo Vixen and I invited TXRD’s Cherry Chainsaw to share a cab ride from our hotel over to the Doll Factory where we were met at the front by Filipino Town’s own version of Homeland Security earnestly manning the front door.  I guess once you reach a certain belly size, you can become a bouncer or security staff instantly by just being physically protrusive.

After being prodded, fondled and poked, I gave one of the big fella’s my home number and we were finally allowed inside the building raring for some derby action.  I had the pleasure of being in attendance during TXRD’s previous visit to Los Angeles where TXRD dispatched the Dolls rather handily.  I went in looking at this bout as a potential rematch between the two banked track powerhouses.

After a brief “who’s here” chat session with Cherry Chainsaw I was made aware that two powerful components to the TXRD attack were not on the roster as Sister Mary Jane had retired and Chola was sidelined, I was assured there were some competent replacements on the roster.  I’m familiar with LA’s roster additions from last season’s matchup; as standouts, Mila Minute, Fighty and the intimidating Krissy Krash were to take to the track. 

I picked LA to take it all without properly considering Team Awesome’s potential.  I figured TA can pretty much spank anyone they want most of the time but someone went and twisted up this track they skate upon and the squads from LA, San Diego and TXRD should have an advantage here.  Apparently there’s something to being a kick ass skater, you can skate anywhere.

I typically don’t have the opportunity to sit back and enjoy a bout like a regular fan.  In some ways I’m like a referee without rules as most of the time I have one eye looking through my camera lens at one particular skater or group all the while attempting to compose a decent photo.  I’ve heard referees tell the same thing as they’re focused on just a jammer or watching the pack. 

Speaking of referees, don’t forget that they too are volunteers and just about every one of them is trying their damndest to do a good job.  That’s not to say I’ve left them verbally unscathed, I’ve said “you gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me yo!” on more than one occasion.  Refereeing can be a thankless job, it can be a tough job but where would we be without them?  I’ll leave it at that.  

Without boring everyone to tears by recounting each and every skater from the various leagues that I was glad to see once again, I will shrink this into Top Ten most memorable list, in no particular order:

• There was a huge bucket of liquid refreshments in the media area, although I didn’t gorge like one might expect, it was a very nice touch.  
• A Hot Dog on a Stick catering truck right outside the door?  Does it get much better than this?
• Burt Bacharach was in attendance!  This was very cool.  Ellen Page, Juliette Lewis and Zoe Bell were there too but dude, Burt Bacharach? Later that night, I must admit the libations had caught up with me as I was telling people “dood, Burt BikeRack was there!”
• Smarty Pants  getting chucked over the rail by what appeared to be Venus de Maul’r shoulder.
• TXRD’s former commentator, Tim Murphy was on the mic and bustin’ hits and droppin’ knowledge to the masses.  Glad you came to California Timbo even if we didn’t actually get “gay married”.
• Jackie Daniels' impersonation of Mila Minute’s g-string ensemble.  
• Laura Palm-Her’s post-bout injury protection method.  
• “Who’s the fat guy smoking a Capri cigarette?”  thanks Venis Envy.  There were actually more ejections from the Quality Inn than there were at the bouts.
• Helmet throwing?  I hadn’t felt that nervous and squirmy since dad was mad at mom during that one supper circa 1974.  To be fair, PITA’s helmet was dropped in frustration, as far as I know it never reached a lateral trajectory.  
• This moment brought to me by a flickr friend as I hadn’t noticed during the bout but apparently the wonderful Kelly Kaboom’s backside warrants protection/attention from the fine folks with Homeland Security (man in gray).  

Cheers to the LA Derby Dolls for hosting this epic event.  It was a blast.  It was controversial.  It was just plain bitchin’.  One thing about the Derby Dolls organization, both LA and SD is they also support flat-track leagues by announcing, coaching, running clinics and just helping along new leagues in general, so if anyone has built a personal wall due to the type of track, you really should visit the other side some time.