By Matt DeCapitator, additional reporting by The Statisfier
ENOLA, PA -- Sunday, April 20th saw the Nuclear Knockouts kick off Harrisburg Area Roller Derby's 2008 season with a long-awaited bout against the Philthy Britches, one of the Philly Rollergirls' intraleague teams. Five of the Britches' thirteen skaters were returning to the track for the second night in a row after skating to a 47-145 loss against the Gotham Girls in New York City with the Liberty Belles travel team on Saturday. These five, as well as their teammates, were out for victory, blood, and redemption. But the weekend's prior action wasn't the only history brought to the rink on the 20th: in December of 2006, the Knockouts took quite a shellacking in the form of a 193-73 outing against another of Philly's home teams, the now-defunct Hostile City Honeys. Eager to prove themselves a more formidable competitor than the team that the Philly skaters remembered, the Knockouts had more than just revenge in mind. In the end, however, the Philthy Britches emerged victorious, beating the Knockouts 142 to 92.
The evening's action commenced with the Britches' Gloria Grindem shutting out the Knockout's Nash Villain 5-0. The Britches continued the lead in the second jam with Racey Intent scoring 3-2 over Harrisburg's Rainbow's Revenge. H.A.R.D.'s NastyNiss emerged as lead jammer in the third jam and skated to a 3-3 tie with Philly's Mo Pain, followed by another tie of 2-2 between Harrisburg's Mother Trucker and Philly's Violet Temper. In the sixth frame, Rainbow's Revenge was able to put some substantial points on the board for the Knockouts, scoring 10-6 over Racey Intent in spite of a leg injury sustained midway through the spin at the hands of Philly's tough defense. Injury played a part in the next jam as well when Harrisburg's Cruel Britannia was knocked into the infield with a nasty leg injury, only to find herself directly in the path of a referee. The jam was called off, but not before the ref had tripped over that same hurt leg. Fortunately, the injury was not serious enough to keep Britannia off the track for more than a few jams.
When play resumed, Philly's Gloria Grindem took the line and slammed home a nice 10-0 jam over NastyNiss. Racey Intent was only able to follow up with a 1-0 jam over Harrisburg's Holden Grudges: she was largely hindered by formidable Harrisburg blocker Dosa Badazz, who laid Racey out with a powerful hit and was assessed a forearms major. This was followed by a 4-1 jam by Mo Pain over Mother Trucker. The action really started kicking in by the 11th jam, with both teams fighting hard. Nash Villain took Violet Temper to a 4-4 tie and Holden Grudges sent Cindecent Exposure to the floor with a crushing blow. Rainbow's Revenge finally brought a jam to her team scoring 3-0 over Mo Pain, with girls piling up and flying everywhere in the pack. In jam 13, Knockout Whiskey Business laid a 5-4 jam over Violet Temper, but was pulled for picking up her fourth minor with seconds left in the action: her team would skate short a jammer in the next jam. Ginger Vitis took that opportunity and brought 8 unanswered points to the Britches, despite being taken down by a shattering hit from Harrisburg's Eve Ternal Jamnation.
The H.A.R.D. defense was out in full force in the next jam, taking Britches jammer Gloria Grindem to the floor repeatedly, allowing her to only score 2 points. No points were scored for the Knockouts, however, as jammer Mother Trucker was pulled for a cutting track major, again causing Harrisburg to start the next jam short a jammer. At this point, the penalties were flying, with the penalty box overflowing with players from both teams. Trucker re-entered the game and laid a beautiful 10-8 jam over Philly's Gefilte Fists. Violet Temper came back hard for the Britches and scored 8-3 over Nash Villain, with a Philly blocker sending Nash into the audience. The final jam of the period saw Racey Intent lay a nice 5-0 jam over NastyNiss, who was pulled from the action for a cutting track major, leaving the score at the end of the period at 74-43 in Philly's favor.
As the second period got underway, the Knockouts knew that they had some catching up to do, but were forced to start short a jammer with NastyNiss still in the cage. The situation looked even worse moments later after Mo Pain dished a 10-0 jam over Nasty. Mother Trucker saved face for the Knockouts in the next jam, belting a 13-5 jam over Racey Intent in the highest-scoring jam of the evening. The fourth jam was cut short when Philly jammer Gloria Grindem was pulled for a cutting track major: with Knockout jammer Rainbow's Revenge already occupying the box, the jammerless-jam rule reared its head. Ginger Vitis over NastyNiss remained on the track and skated to a 5-4 decision in Vitis's favor. Eve Ternal Jamnation followed in the next jam, achieved lead jammer, and scoring 4-1 over Violet Temper in what would prove to be Eve's only jam of the evening, while blockers Jonnie Lawless and Cindecent Exposure ended up in a nasty tangle on the floor.
Nash Villain put up five unanswered points in the next jam, and Mo Pain followed with an 8-5 jam over Mother Trucker. The penalty box was again overflowing with skaters in the 10th jam, when Violet Temper slammed a lovely 9-1 jam over Rainbow's Revenge. Things were looking rather bleak for the Knockouts, while over the next three jams the Philthy Britches gained 19 unanswered points - 10 of them by Gloria Grindem, despite being wiped out by blocker Nash Villain in the 12th jam. The Britches had a tight pack and held strong their positions, but even so, Mother Trucker was able to bring 4 unanswered points to the Knockouts in the 14th jam. The pack's temper was flaring up again, with Violet Temper sending Jonnie Lawless to the floor with a powerful block and girls piling up around them.
The next two jams were scoreless, but that didn't stop the action as jammer Racey Intent was sent flying into the audience by a vicious H.A.R.D. defense, and Philly's Dara Licks was sent to the box after a nasty, high speed block 20 feet from the pack that took out Nash Villain. In the Knockout's last moment of glory, jammer Whiskey Business took the line and delivered a 9-3 jam over Ginger Vitis. Gloria Grindem followed with a 4-0 jam over Nash Villain. The last two jams were low scoring victories for Harrisburg, but not enough to have any impact on the Britches strong lead. The final score was 142 for the Philthy Britches and 92 for the Nuclear Knockouts - a 50 point win for Philly.
Both teams fought hard and played well, and although the Knockouts' season has just begun, the action in the building paved the way for what ought to be a very exciting 2008. In addition to those mentioned, playing for the Nuclear Knockouts were Cybil Disobedience, Renegade Raven, Anida Blade and Vixxen Vindiction. For the Philthy Britches were Dotti Horror, Janet Meano, Liz Teria, Olivia Face and Rosie Bloodbath. Psycho A Go Go provided live rock and roll before the bout and between periods, with some punked up garage/psychedelic cover tunes.
Game Stats
The highest scoring jammer in a single jam performance was Mother Trucker for the Knockouts with 13 points, while Gloria Grindem and Mo Pain were tied with 10 points for the Britches. Harrisburg's Rainbow's Revenge also had 10 points. Philly's Gloria Grindem led the bout overall with 33 points in 7 jams averaging 4.71 points per jam. On Harrisburg's side, it was a tie between Mother Trucker with 36 points in 9 jams and Eve Ternal Jamnation with 4 points in 1 jam, both averaging 4 points per jam. It was Philly's Racey Intent who led with lead jammer status, achieving it in 7 of 10 jams for 70%. On the Knockouts it was Mother Trucker achieving lead in 3 out of 9 jams for 33%. The Philthy Britches earned lead jammer in 22 of the 38 jams, 57.89%, while the Knockouts earned it in 11 of 38, 28.95%. The Philthy Britches had the most penalties, with 128 minors and 8 majors. The Nuclear Knockouts had 107 minors and 11 majors. The penalty princesses were Vixxen Vindiction for the Knockouts, with 13 minors and 2 majors and Dara Licks for the Britches with 18 minors and 1 major.
The next bout for Harrisburg will be on Sunday, May 4th against the Lehigh Valley Rollergirls at Rollermotion rink in Macungee, PA. The Philthy Britches will be taking on the Heavy Metal Hookers at a double-header on Saturday, May 3rd at the Philly Sportsplex in Feasterville, PA. Come out and enjoy more hard-hitting roller derby action!
