DETROIT, MI -- Cleveland's Burning River Roller Girls ventured to “that state up north” (known to everyone except Ohioans as “Michigan”) on Saturday, March 29, with high hopes of setting the Detroit River on fire. But the hosting Detroit Derby Girls decided to be the DFD (Detroit Fire Department) instead of the DDG and they quickly extinguished the flames, easily defeating Burning River by a 156 to 56 score.

Burning River started a lineup of pivot Ivanna Destroya, blockers Slaughterama Mama, CoCo Sparx, Professor Booty, and jammer Rogue Cheddar against Detroit’s pivot Honey Suckit, blockers Rude Awakening, Summers Eve-L, Bikini Killer, and jammer Cookie Rumble. Cookie set the tone of what was to follow the rest of the night as she quickly got lead jammer, the Detroit blockers bottled up Rogue in the pack, and Cookie then went on a grand slam and a 5-0 jam win. DDG’s Kat Von D’Stroya bested BR’s Eva Lucien 4-2 in jam 2, then Racer McChaseHer scored another Detroit grand slam and an 8-0 win in jam 3 to make the score 17-2 for Detroit after only three jams. Polly Fester gave Detroit a 4-3 win in jam 4, followed by another Detroit slam by Honey Suckit in a 9-2 jam 5 to make it 30-7 for Detroit after five jams. It was 75-26 for D-town at the half.

That’s pretty much the way the rest of the night went for Burning River. While Burning River played hard to the end, Detroit’s edge in experience was the story in the end. Detroit only jammed their super jammer Racer McChaseHer six times in the game, although Racer got 44 points in those jams, including a 15-0 triple grand slam in jam 9 of the 2nd period. Racer set a Detroit single-game record with an average of 7.33 points per jam (breaking her own record of 6.09 PPJ) on the night.

Post-game interview with DDG blocker Bikini Killer (1:29)

Post-game interview with Burning River skater Eva Lucien (1:49)

In the 1st half, Detroit got 11 lead jammers to 6 for Burning River. Burning River was shutout in 8 of the period’s 18 jams, while Detroit was blanked 3 times. Detroit also had 4 slams to none for BRRG in the period. The game was slightly marred in jam 16 of the 1st period when Detroit’s jammer Polly Fester was knocked down from behind by BR’s MILFinator. Polly was injured on the play, and the jam was soon stopped by the refs. Polly was helped to her feet, and while she did not return to play for the rest of the game she did watch from the Detroit bench in the 2nd half, so we can hope the injury was not too serious.

As the game went on, it was apparent that Detroit was going to win easily, but there were plenty of other interesting details of the bout to watch. Burning River’s Rogue Cheddar was a treat to watch skate, as she always seemed to be grinning like the Cheshire Cat. It was also a treat to listen to guest announcer Reverend Jim as he had some interesting word combinations we haven’t heard before at Detroit home games. But mostly it was good from the home fans viewpoint that Detroit was doing a great job building defensive walls and continuously swarming back in front of Burning River’s jammers. Burning River surely came away from the game with a trunk full of experience they will apply to future games.

Detroit’s Damsel Distresser and Fatal Femme saw their first action with the DDG travel team, and they both excelled. Damsel had 16 offensive and 5 defensive blocks, and put up a big +51 plus/minus rating in 12 jams as a blocker. It was so big, that she vaulted into 2nd place in the DDG Top-10 single-game list for blocker plus/minus. She would have got first place except that teammate Summers Eve-L put up a +55 at blocker to set the DDG record for that stat. Fatal Femme had 13 offensive and 5 defensive blocks and a +39 in 10 jams as a blocker.

Stats

Leading all scorers in the game was Detroit’s Racer McChaseHer with 44 points in 6 jams with 3 leads and 5 grand slams. Other Detroit scorers were Effin’ Money (32 points, 8 jams, 4 leads, 2 slams); Honey Suckit (29 pts, 7 jams, 5 leads, 2 slams); Kat Von D’Stroya (26 pts, 6 jams, 4 leads, 2 slams); Cookie Rumble (12 pts, 3 jams, 2 leads); Polly Fester (8 pts, 3 jams, 1 lead); Diesel Doll (5 pts, 1 jam, 1 lead, 1 slam).

Leading scorer for Burning River was Eva Lucien with 25 points in 9 jams with 4 leads. other BR jammers were Stroker Ace (11 pts, 10 jams, 3 leads); CoCo Sparx (9 pts, 4 jams, 1 lead); Rogue Cheddar (8 pts, 8 jams, 4 leads); Mata Hari (3 pts, 1 jam); The Validator (0 pts, 2 jams).

Defensively, Detroit’s Bikini Killer earned MVP honors with a strong defensive performance that included 23 defensive blocks and 19 assists while splitting 15 jams between blocker and pivot. She also had 6 knockdowns. Cookie Rumble had another strong game for DDG with 18 blocks and 19 assists, leading with 9 knockdowns. Elle McFearsome had 22 assists and 11 blocks, Summers Eve-L had 17 assists and 13 blocks, and Rude Awakening had 14 assists and 9 blocks. Diesel Doll had 13 each of assists and blocks.

For Burning River, they were led defensively by assistant captain (i.e., the “asscap” in DDG-speak) Professor Booty who skated a fine game with 29 defensive blocks and 11 assists (all offensive blocks). She also only had two minor penalties and two majors while skating in 53% of her team’s jams. Ivanna Destroya skated 24 jams at pivot and 2 as blocker to skate in 76% of the jams (high for the game), and she turned in 24 defensive blocks and 7 offensive blocks. Ivanna also led BR with 4 knockdowns. The Validator dished out 20 blocks and 4 assists -- or, as Rev. Jim would say, “she punched their ticket!”

The Burning River Roller Girls next home event is on Sunday, April 6, “Fresh Meat Disorientation,” with a double-header featuring a bout between the Rolling Pin Ups vs the Hard Knockers followed by the Hellbombers vs the Cleveland Steamers. The Detroit Derby Girls next home event is on Saturday, April 12, featuring the “pre-match of the rematch” between the Detroit Pistoffs and the Devil’s Night Dames. Those two teams will meet again on Saturday, May 10 for the league championship.

Photography: atanguay