Dutchland Rollers 149, Montreal Roller Derby 56
Posted by The Statisfier on April 1st, 2008
LANCASTER, PA — “Who will save our world from total Canadian domination?!” asks the bout flyer promoting the March 29th showdown between Montreal Roller Derby and the Dutchland Derby Rollers of Lancaster, PA. The handbill, designed by the creative geniuses at State Of Mind Design, depicted Montreal’s warriors as Iron Giantess-like robots, bent upon nothing short of global dominance, while poor humanoid Dutchland girls would be our country’s (and perhaps even our species’) last line of defense. Think of it as John Connor in a skirt and knee pads, if you will (better yet, don’t think of that at all - or if you must think of a man in a skirt and knee pads, think Justice Feelgood Marshall).
The “Epic Battle,” in the words of that same flyer, took place at Lancaster’s Overlook Center and was attended by many of the local faithful; however, a glance around the venue showed either that more than a few Quebecois braved the 9-hour drive to see their équipe in action, or that the central Pennsylvania scene includes a surprising number of Canadian expats and assorted other maple leaf-hugging Canuckophiles. These guests would go home disappointed, though, following a contest in which the outcome was seldom in question and the united forces of Dutchland derby showed little mercy in repelling this attack from the North.
Lancaster amassed a 24-0 lead in the early stages of the first period on the persistent efforts of Spawna Skatin’ (7 of those 24 points in two of the four jams), as well as Lucy Van Belt and Twisted Scissors (8 and 9 points, respectively, in one jam each). It wasn’t until the fifth frame that the Montreal girls’ Bon-Bon Scott posted a pair of points to get the away team onto the board and give the Canadian fans something to cheer for. The next two jams provided the Dutchland girls with a bit more to think about: Li’l Momma added another 5 points in a shutout jam over Van Belt in the sixth, and Iron Wrench brought Montreal’s total to 8 with a 1-0 effort.
At this juncture the action was reminiscent of another recent bout in which the late starters mounted a come-from-behind victory; however, the Lancaster skaters proceeded to shut the door to the possibility of any comeback. Three consecutive 10-0 efforts on the part of Skatin’, Van Belt, and Scissors brought the score to 57-8, and Spawna’s followup (9-4 over Georgia W. Tush) only made the direction of the game all the more apparent. At the first period’s end, another 5-0 spin from Van Belt left a tally of 80-15 on the board during the intermission.
Intra-period highlights included an neverending procession of raffles from sponsors such as Guitar Center, and a Nintendo Wii won by the son of Roxi Gunz, a Wilmington City Ruff Roller. That ought to keep him well-occupied while she’s away at practice. Remember, kid: homework comes first.
After a half-hour break, the action resumed with home-teal favorite Spawna Skatin’ facing off against Iron Wench, who showed that while she and her team were down, they weren’t prepared to fold. Wench didn’t get the lead, but she pocketed 3 points to Skatin’s 1 before her counterpart called off the jam. Throughout the second period, Montreal’s skaters amped up their offensive pressure while simultaneously containing Lancaster more effectively than they had in the early going. Excluding the anomalous 17-0 powerplay run by Van Belt in the ninth jam, the home team was held to 52 points in the bout’s latter half, while the Montreal girls nearly tripled their first-period output by adding 41 to their total.
Highlights for the Canadians included seven-point jams in the seventh and thirteenth sessions, courtesy of Jess Bandit and Georgia Tush, as well as Tush’s 6-4 contribution over Skatin’ in the fourth. However, down as much as they were at half-time, the possibility of a come-from-behind victory was difficult to fathom - and indeed by the final buzzer, the score stood at 149 Dutchland to 56 Montreal. Did the Iron Giants of the flyer put up an effort as brutal as their circuits and servos would allow, or did they just show up a bit rusty? They’ll have something to prove, as well as plenty of opportunities to set the record straight, when they host the Beast Of The East tournament on April 18-20. Meanwhile, the Dutchland girls - humanity’s saviors - have the 4/26 Opening Bout of their intraleague season on their horizon.
Stats
Dutchland: Twisted Scissors lead Dutchland jammers with 57 points (5.7 average in 10 jams); Spawna Skatin’ added 47 (4.27 per jam in 11 attempts), while Lucy Van Belt contributed another 38 (4.22 average in 9 jams). Pivot stats were not taken, but anyone paying any attention whatsoever would tell you that team captain Treasure Chest shouldered the majority of that burden.
Montreal Stats: captain Georgia W. Tush’s 25 points (2.77 in 9 jams) put the most points on the board, while her co-captain Iron Wench contributed another 15 (2.5 per jam in 6 jams). Li’l Momma was assessed the most penalties with 20 minors, and was ejected from the bout with 2:28 remaining in the second period.
April 2nd, 2008 at 2:49 pm
Hey Statsi, thanks for a great write-up! The ladies from Montreal were an extremely awesome team to host and we’d have them back anytime! The bout was amazing for us as we spent A LOT of time during our off-season learning to work together as a team and practing with some amazing leagues learning new tricks and getting valuable feedback about our strengths and weaknesses. We can’t wait to play together as a team again at ECE where we’ll be taking on the Broad Street Butchers! Heck yeah!!!