In a nearly perfectly matched contest that went through a number of lead changes before coming down to a rowdy conclusion, the Diamond City Scream Queens of Wilkes-Barre, PA came up just one point short against the home Wilmington City Ruff Rollers, 86-85.

The first jam of the evening was a preview of things to come, as Wilmington’s Twisted Tinkerbell and Diamond City’s Cheeta Trouble jammed to a 4-4 tie.Wilmington would take lead on the first three jams of the bout to establish a 10-7 lead, but on Jam 4, DIamond City’s Corie Cutthroat got lead and a 5-point grand slam over Loli Dagger to give the Scream Queens a 12-10 lead that they would keep for the majority of the half. With about 5 minutes to go in the half, it was looking dire for the home team, as they’d only gotten a single narrow jam win (6-4 for Ali Kaholic over Cheeta Trouble) and DIamond City had pushed their way out to a 54-40 lead. But Wilmington would make up all the ground in just two jams — first, Roxi Gunz picked up a quick 4-0 over Electra Violence, and with Electra in the penalty box to start the next jam, Wilmington’s Lolli Dagger got two 5 point laps on her way to a crucial 13-0 jam that put Wilmington back in the lead, 57-54. With the half ending on the following jam, Wilmington would be able to take the momentum into the locker rooms.

The second half started out with the momentum ping-ponging from team to team — a 4-2 for Wilmington was immediately followed by a 4-2 for Diamond City and then a 0-0. On the half’s fourth jam, Veronika Gettsburger would get Diamond City a razor-thin lead by scoring a 4-0 over Lolli Dagger, putting the score at Diamond City 64, Wilmington 63. Just three jams later, Wilmington’s Antidote turned it around again, though, taking advantage of a power play to get 5 points to zero for Cheeta Trouble and moving the score to Wilmington 68, Diamond City 66. The lead would switch twice more before Diamond City got two back-to-back 5-0 jams that made the score Diamond City 80, Wilmington 73 with about 10 minutes left in the bout.

After the following jam ended when jammers Roxi Gunz and Action Jaxson were both sent to the box during play, Wilmington would start a comeback. Twisted Tinkerbell took a serious hit as the Wilmington jammer and was clearly hurting from it, but had the presence of mind to pass the star to pivot Will O’ the Whip, who managed to put up 3 points against 1 for Electra Violence. A couple of jams later, Diamond City ran into serious penalty trouble, when overlapping penalty time at the end of a jam meant that Wilmington started with a 5-on-1 power play (Diamond City’s Kristella Deville getting a raucous ovation for being the lone woman standing for the visitors.) While it only lasted 4 seconds, it was enough time for Wilmington jammer Antidote to easily claim lead jammer, and she racked up 4 points to make the score Diamond City 81, Wilmington 80 with 5 minutes to play.

Two more jams would go quick and scoreless as lead jammers would call off the jam to keep their opponent from getting on the board, but with 3 minutes to play, Wilmington’s Ali Kaholic finally got the lead back to Wilmington with a 5-0 as Diamond City’s Cheeta Trouble had to watch from the penalty box. After another 0-0 jam, the teams lined up with about 35 seconds left on the clock, the game set to end on the jam clock rather than the period, and the score Wilmington 85, Diamond City 81.

As the jam started, though, all hell broke loose when Wilmington jammer Roxi Gunz had the jammer star fall off her helmet. With both benches going wild trying to draw their team’s attention to the lost cover, Diamond City pivot Bloody Keri grabbed the helmet cover from its resting place in turn 4 and tossed it in front of the Wilmington bench, causing the jam to be whistled dead before any scoring could occur. Keri was sent to the penalty box and the teams lined up one more time, with a referee timeout leaving 10 seconds on the period clock. Veronika Gettsburger, jamming for Diamond City, was out of the pack first with lead jammer status, but Ali Kaholic was close behind. With 0:00 showing on the clock, Veronika needed a 4-0 to send the bout into overtime … and although she got her 4 points and called it off, Ali Kaholic had just barely passed the rearmost Diamond City player to get what proved to be the game-saving point for Wilmington. The final score in a wild one was Wilmington 86, Diamond City 85.

The Kansas City Roller Warriors, apparently unwilling to settle for #1 in the WFTDA rankings, are clearly aiming to take control of the #1 spot in the bout intro rankings as well.

The DC Rollergirls pulled off an impressive hat trick with their media coverage of their first championship bout — print media from the Washington Post, radio from NPR, and this quick hit from Reuters. It’s definitely not the most in-depth feature you’ll ever see, but it does manage to focus on the sport over the spectacle, and hey, it’s Reuters. It also seems to include a short clip of some referee running his mouth, but pay no attention to that part.

In the DC Rollergirls’ first championship bout, Scare Force One put the finishing touches on a dominating run, remaining undefeated by beating the Cherry Blossom Bombshells 97-36.

The imposing Scare Force lineup waits to take the track. Photo credit: Calvo

The bout opened with Scare Force One jammer Harley Quinn dropping a double grand slam on the Bombshells’ Deja Bruise for a 10-0. It was the beginning of an explosive opening for the air women, who would shut out the Bombshells for the first four jams of the bout. making the score Scare Force One 22, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 0. The Bombshells would finally get on the board in Jam 5, where SF1 jammer Meatball went to the penalty box during her opening pass and Kimono Dragon was able to get 2 points out of it. In a way, the momentum shifted to the Bombshells for a little while as they were able to get lead jammer for the next four jams in a row — unfortunately for the underdogs, they were rarely able to turn it into a positive point differential. The Bombshells got their only jam win of the half when Deja Bruise scored a 1-0 over Harley Quinn as Bombshells blocker Five-Ho delayed Harley’s exit from the pack for a fair bit of time. It was the beginning of some more effective blocking from the Bombshells — on the next jam, a crowd-pleasing hit from Bombshell Hippie Longstocking launched SF1 blocker Condelezza Slice into her own jammer Meatball, sending them both to the floor. However, with Bombshells jammer Pam Backhand stuck in the penalty box, Meatball had enough time to run up a 9-3 on that jam, and SF1’s Phang would follow up with a 9-4 as her blocker Trampon leveled Deja Bruise twice on her opening pass. That brought the score to Scare Force One 40, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 10 with about 5 minutes left in the period. On the second to last jam of the half, Scare Force’s Six Five on Skates and Madeline Allfight were all over the hardy Deja Bruise, allowing Meatball to run up 9 points and calling off the jam before Bruise could get anything. As the half ended, it was Scare Force One 53, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 14.

Scare Force would continue the assault as the second half opened. Perhaps looking to give Deja Bruise some rest, the Bombshells put out Guantanamo Babe at the jammer line to start the half, but she was severely bounced around by a tough Scare Force defensive platoon of Helena Handbag, Phang and Trampon, and Harley Quinn zipped around the track for an 11-0 win. Six Five and Demabrat would do the same to Deja Bruise on the following jam, giving Condeleeza Slice the opportunity for a quick 5-0. The Bombshells finally found a way to stop Scare Force on the third jam of the half — unfortunately, it turned out to be in the form of a high elbow from Bombshells blocker Hippie Longstocking to Scare Force jammer Phang, leaving Phang on the floor and Hippie headed to the penalty box on a major. With Phang getting 3 points to 2 for Pam Backhand, that left the score at Scare Force One 72, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 16, and the points would continue to rain down for the rest of the half.

With only about 3 minutes to play, the Cherry Blossom Bombshells would have their best moment of the bout. A Harley Quinn journey to the penalty box allowed Deja Bruise to get two 5-point passes, putting up a 10-0 and moving the scoreboard to Scare Force One 97, Cherry Blossom Bombshells 36. However, it was far too late to affect the course of the bout. There wouldn’t be any scoring in the final jam, and Scare Force was free to celebrate a very impressive first season with the first DCRG championship trophy.

Scare Force ends the season 5-0, while the Bombshells go 3-2. Harley Quinn led the scoring for Scare Force One with 29 points on 7 jams, while teammate Meatball was just a hair behind with 28 points on 5 jams. For the Cherry Blossom Bombshells, it was Deja Bruise in the lead with 15 points on 11 jams. DC’s travel season begins on November 17th, as the Dutchland Rollers head down from Lancaster, PA to take on the newly minted DC all-star team.

In the third-place bout for the DC Rollergirls’ first season, the DC Demoncats solidly defeated a persistent but overpowered Secretaries of Hate and laid claim to third, 98-36.

The first jam of the bout looked like it might be good news for the underdogs, as Hater jammer Goldrush managed to nab lead jammer, but then became caught up in the pack and failed to call the jam before opposing jammer Blonde Fury had already gone all the way through and picked up 4 points to just 2 for Goldrush. The Demoncats would be hard on the Haters for the next three jams, shutting them out each time while putting up scores of 4, 7 and 5 to bring the score to Demoncats 22, Secretaries 2. It wasn’t till the 8th jam of the bout that the Haters would get a jam win, with Inconvenient Ruth getting lead and 3 points in shutting out Demoncat jammer Blonde Fury (your humble reporter would like to break character for a moment here to point out that “Inconvenient Ruth” is, like, the best name ever.) The Demoncats would get it back and more on the following jam, as Camilla the Hun would lap Goldrush in the course of getting a big 9-1 win that made the score Demoncats 34, Secretaries 8. Inconvenient Ruth, though, would not be denied, and put up the highest score of the bout to answer, a 10-0 over a penalized Camilla the Hun. When the half ended a couple of jams later, the Secretaries were still in the game with the score DC Demoncats 42, Secretaries of Hate 21.

Blonde Fury of the DC Demoncats is skating rather fast. Photo credit: Calvo

Gigantic Hater Nation flags were swinging over in turn 2 to try and exhort the Secretaries to redouble their efforts as the second half began, but it would be the Demoncats that stepped up their offensive output — and perhaps more importantly, managed to get lead jammer for seven jams in the row in the early part of the half, keeping the Haters from getting positive point differentials. Four jams into the period, it was still a game at Demoncats 61, Secretaries 30, but a four-jam explosion for the Demoncats, along with penalty trouble for the Haters, would put it out of reach. First, Camilla the Hun would go 5-0 over Inconvenient Ruth and then Blonde Fury would match it with another 5-0 over Ruth (who was finishing out a penalty from the previous jam). Next up, it was Lois Slain’s turn to keep the jammer penalty seat warm over two jams, as Camilla got a 4-0 and Blonde Fury finished the run with a big 7-0. That moved the score to Demoncats 82, Secretaries 30 with about 8 minutes to play, and the ‘Cats all but had it in the bag. In the end, the score would stand at DC Demoncats 98, Secretaries of Hate 36. The Demoncats end their first season at 2-3, while the Secretaries end winless at 0-5.

Additional reporting: Johnny Zebra, Charm City Roller Girls

FEASTERVILLE, PA — This crowd at this past weekend’s Roller Derby event was treated to not one but two bouts of Philly Rollergirls intra-league action, as the four Philadelphia teams squared off for the last time in the 2007 regular season to determine their seeding in next month’s Warrior Cup Championship. With no team entirely out of the running for the first place slot, every play, every pass, and every jam had the potential to alter the playoff picture. Within a few hours of the starting whistle, which was blown by one of two Sweet Sixteen birthday celebrants, the Rollergirls’ playoff standings had been cemented.Though they would seem to mirror the league’s 2006 outcome at a glance, any observer would note that these are very different teams from those that closed out their inaugural season just over a year ago: most of the teams’ cores have remained intact, but valuable additions and unfortunate subtractions - the bane of all Derby organizations - have changed the face of the league dramatically in the intervening months. The sport continues to evolve in Philadelphia, as it does across the country and indeed around the world, and here are the latest developments from our hometown women:

Bout 1: Broad Street Butchers (entering the evening 1-1) vs. Heavy Metal Hookers (previously 0-2)

The Hookers’ intramural winless streak, dating back to the 2006 season, has long overshadowed the talent level of the team; however, as any of their notoriously rabid fans would tell you between cheers (and beers) on Saturday, they have made significant strides in the past months, and may be gearing up to put a few contests into their Wins column in their near future. The Butchers, of course, were hoping to use their special brand of breakout offense and suffocating defense to provide yet another setback to a team that has yet to celebrate a victory lap on bout day. Derby history books will reflect that this, at last, was the Hookers’ day to shine: the win was never a certainty until the final seconds drained away, but when the clock read 0:00, the Hookers’ 88 points would be just enough to surpass the Butchers’ 85.

Read the rest of this entry »

The big WFTDA matchup of this weekend finds the #19th ranked Rocky Mountain Roller Girls traveling to Wisconsin to get on the rink with Madison’s Mad Rollin’ Dolls, who are looking to climb back up the rankings after their early exit from Eastern Regionals dropped them from #4 to #9.

The Rocky Mountain girls have been pretty active this summer, starting with June wins against unranked Angel City and #20 Atlanta (176-119 and 91-70 respectively.) #15 Rose City knocked them off in July by a score of 111-74, but Rocky Mountain has been on a roll since then, beating Division III Fort Wayne 164-69 in August and thumping unranked No Coast 108-20 in September (and shutting them out for the entire first period!) Finally, in a special interleague battle of local teams, the RMRG Sugar Kill Gang defeated the Danger Dolls of Pikes Peak Derby Dames, 120-78.

On the flip side, Madison hasn’t seen too much interleague action this year in comparison. In June, they notched a big win by defeating the Hot Rod Honeys, one of Texas’ four home teams, 101-92. The next two months, though, saw tough times for the Mad Rollin’ Dolls — first, they lost to Tucson at home by a convincing 120-64, and then were shocked by Windy City at August’s Heartland Havoc, 94-63.

Madison will be hosting 2008’s Eastern Regional tournament next October, so it’s a pretty safe bet they’re interested in reclaiming their former title as the team to beat in the East … and will try to start on that road with a win over Rocky Mountain.

UPDATE: Rocky Mountain scores a considerable upset, sending Madison to their third loss in a row, 131-98. Gnosis from Leadjammer mentions in comments that Madison team captain Crackerjack didn’t play in this one and the Dairyland Dolls were fielding a new lineup, which may have had an effect, but still an impressive accomplishment for Rocky Mountain. Madison’s Geoffrey Saucer has a mini-recap over here on RollerDerbyIsSport.

In their first post-Nationals bout, the Gotham Girls demonstrated they’d earned their new #5 in the nation ranking, jumping out to a quick lead over #15th-ranked Rose City and slowly growing it for the whole bout to notch a solid 129-86 victory.

The first two jams went to Gotham, as Suzy Hotrod beat out Madame Bumpsalot 3-0 and Cheap Skate followed up with a 4-0 over Goodie Two Skates. There would be a lengthy captain’s challenge at this point, as the scoreboard was showing a 7-4 total, but after a great deal of discussion it was corrected to Gotham 7, Rose City 0. On the next jam, Rose City’s Vominatrix managed to get lead jammer status even though she had to absorb an accidental hit from her own blocker D-Day, and called it off at 0-0. Jam 4, though, would prove to be the game-breaker: Rose City’s Ava Skatrix had no luck getting around the blocking of Gotham’s Anne Phetamean, and Gotham jammer Suzy Hotrod was running wild through the Rose City defense, putting up 3 grand slams to outscore Ava 15-0 and give Gotham a startling 22-0 lead. It looked like Rose City was in even more trouble on the following jam, as both Fran Checkya and Goodie Two Skates in the penalty box, giving Gotham a double power play with Beatrix Slaughter on the jammer line against Madame Bumpsalot for Rose City. As it turned out, though, things fell in Rose City’s favor just in time — Slaughter got lead jammer but was sent to the penalty box during her first scoring pass, and the heavy Rose City presence in the penalty box created split packs on two of Bumpsalot’s scoring passes, allowing her to pass through mostly untouched on the way to a sorely needed 12-1 jam win for Rose City.

Trouble is brewing for Fran Checkya as Gotham’s Beyonslay comes in for a hit. Photo credit: BrendanMC

With the score Gotham 23, Rose City 12, Rose City began work on a comeback for the middle section of the half. Rose City’s Rhea DeRange barely outscored Cheap Skate for a 2-1, but on the following jam Gotham’s Bonnie Thunders spent a minute in the penalty box, allowing Goodie Two Skates to put up a 5-0 jam for Rose City. That 24-19 score was as close as Rose City would make it, though. The next three jams would be ties or wins for Gotham, and then on Jam 11, with about 13 minutes left in the half, Bonnie Thunders ran up 10 points while Ava Skatrix watched from the penalty box, giving Gotham a 49-31 advantage.

The next jam would be somewhat controversial on the Rose City bench, as a massive hit from Rose City’s blocker Megahurtz on Gotham’s jammer Beatrix Slaughter allowed Rose City’s jammer Miss Dora Doom to snag lead jammer and get in one scoring pass before calling it off, but she was not awarded any points, leading to another lengthy conference in the infield. Rose City would lose that argument, but they did win the next two jams. First, Goodie Two Skates went 3-1 over Suzy Hotrod; following that, Gotham jammer Bonnie Thunders barely got lead jammer with a crucial assist from pivot Brigitte Barhot, but Rhea DeRange would be the one getting on the scoreboard with a 2-0. Rose City was still in the game at this point with the score Gotham 50, Rose City 36 and about 6:30 to play in the half, but Gotham would get lead jammer on each of the last four jams of the half and outscore Rose City 22-4, sending the teams to the locker rooms with the score Gotham 72, Rose City 40.

In the second half, it looked for a few jams like Rose City was on their way to closing the gap. After a 0-0 opening jam, Rose City’s Madame Bumpsalot showed impressive resilience, taking a low hit from Gotham’s Hela Skelter that sent Bumps to the floor and Hela to the penalty box, but still managing to scramble up, take lead jammer, and put up a 4-0 over Bonnie Thunders. On the following jam, Goodie Two Skates also got lead jammer with a nice move on pivot Sweet Sherry Pie, but her opposing jammer Suzy Hotrod was too fast for Goodie to get a point differential, and that jam ended 3-3, making the score Gotham 75, Rose City 47.

After that, though, Gotham was on fire for a 12 minute, 8 jam segment of the half that locked up the victory for the home team. On a crowd-pleasing Jam 4, Gotham’s star blocker Beyonslay twice put Rose City’s jammer Miss Dora Doom on the ground, allowing Gotham jammer Beatrix Slaughter to scoop up 2 extra lap points. That 6-0 score was the first of a painful series of shutout jams — 4-0, 4-0, 5-0, 4-0 — that took the wind out of Rose City’s sails. On Jam 9, Rose City’s Vominatrix finally got her team back on the board, but with Gotham’s jammer Cheap Skate stealing lead with a nicely timed hip whip off Fisti Cuffs, the jam would still go 4-1 for Gotham. The score at this point was Gotham 102, Rose City 48, and Gotham wouldn’t let up on the next jam, as blockers Beyonslay and Kandy Kakes were all over Rose City jammer Madame Bumpsalot, keeping her on her opening lap for the entirety of the jam as Gotham’s jammer Bonnie Thunders got two grand slams on the way to a 10-0 win. While Rose City would erase some of the margin in the last few jams of the bout, it had been pretty well decided in that 36-2 run for Gotham. Final score was Gotham 129, Rose City 86.

Half the players hit the deck in a massive second-half pileup. Photo credit: BrendanMC

Suzy Hotrod led Gotham scorers with 47 points on 11 jams, while Rhea Derange led Rose City with 30 points on 9 jams. Rose City was deeply on the wrong side of the penalty breakdown totals, charged with 101 minors and 9 majors against 60 minors and 10 majors for Gotham. Rose City’s next interleague battle will be a home bout against Charm City on November 17th, while two Gotham local teams challenge nearby travel teams on November 3rd: the Brooklyn Bombshells take on the Long Island Roller Rebels and the Manhattan Mayhem goes up against New Jersey Dirty Dames.

The second Charm City championship match ended up being very similar to the first one — once again, the Speed Regime and Night Terrors clashed for the title, once again, the first half was a back-and-forth battle that ended in a stalemate, once again, the Speed Regime started opening up a lead late in the second half, and once again, the Night Terrors turned the tables on them in dramatic fashion. Although the end didn’t come quite as suddenly for the Speed Regime this year, they once again had to content themselves with second place as the Night Terrors repeated as champions in another thrilling title match, 89-73.

The Speed Regime had gotten beaten badly by the Terrors a month ago, and when the first jam went 9-0 for the Terrors’ Joy Collision as her blocker Mibbs Breakin’ Ribs refused to let Regime jammer Flo Shizzle complete her first pass, it seemed for a moment that the Terrors might waltz again. Psycho78 erased those thoughts fairly convincingly on the second jam, though, running up a 12-4 on Marizpain as Regime blockers Cindy Lop-Her and Pistol Whip locked down Marzipain for two full laps. The Terrors would pull a bit further ahead on the next jam, when Frenzy Lohan and Joy Collision, blocking for the Terrors, held back Regime jammer Pistol Whip long enough for Rosie the Rioter to scoop up a 5-0 grand slam. That made the score Night Terrors 18, Speed Regime 12, and the teams would be in a low-scoring defensive grapple for the rest of the half. On Jam 9, Dr. Skabs was jamming for the Night Terrors and decided to take the initiative on defense with a crowd-pleasing takeout of her opposing jammer Flo Shizzle, but Skabs couldn’t find a way past Regime blocker Pistol Whip, allowing Flo to recover, get lead and go 4-1. On the next jam, Terrors jammer Pixie Rocket had trouble negotiating a defense of Cindy Lop-Her, Large Marge and Deathany, and Pistol Whip took the opportunity to get a grand-slam 5-0 over her. That gave the Speed Regime their first lead of the bout at Regime 33, Terrors 30. More small-margin jams were traded to close out the half, and when it ended on a highly defensive jam between Joy Collision and Flo Shizzle, the bout was completely knotted up at 39 points for each team.

The Speed Regime opened up the second half with a quick 5-0, as Betty Beatdown ran up a grand slam on Marizpain, helped along by Pistol Whip repeatedly taking her down. Marzipain would go to the box at the end of that jam, but the Terrors got a significant break on the following jam as Flo Shizzle, starting the jam with 3 minors, picked up a fourth minor before starting her scoring lap, quickly ending the power play before any damage was done. The Terrors would sneak 1 point closer on each of the following three jams, making the score Speed Regime 51, Night Terrors 49 with about 15 minutes to play. But the Speed Regime would put together their best set of jams of the night at that point, with Flo Shizzle going 8-6 over Rosie the Rioter and Betty Beatdown notching a 3-0 over Dr. Skabs. On Jam 8, Joy Collision gave her jammer Marzipain a crucial whip that got her past Deathany, giving her lead jammer and allowing her to pull out a 3-2 win over Psycho78. But the Regime had an answer for that, with their defense owning Terrors jammer Rosie the Rioter and allowing Flo Shizzle to get a 4-0 win, giving the Speed Regime their biggest lead of the bout at 68-58 with about 8 minutes to play.

Speed Regime’s Flo Shizzle and Large Marge watch from the sidelines as the Terrors begin their comeback. Photo credit: epmd_derby

Unfortunately for the girls in green, though, nothing would go right for them in the next three jams. First, Psycho78, jamming for the Speed Regime against Marzipain, had to spend a vital minute watching from the penalty box as Marzipain made the audience explode by outracing Regime blockers, suddenly erasing the Regime lead in two 5 point laps. That tied the score at 68-68, and both teams sent their highest-scoring jammers to the line in the following jam, with Flo Shizzle lining up for the Speed Regime against Joy Collision for the Night Terrors. It would be Joy emerging victorious from that matchup, pulling a 7-0 on Flo as Terrors blocker Mexican Fury bought Joy some space with a well-timed takeout of Flo. That made the score Night Terrors 75, Speed Regime 68 with just under 3 minutes to play, and the Terrors had all the momentum on their side. On the subsequent jam, they all but put the Speed Regime away. The size and lateral motion of Terrors blockers Joy Collision and Cheeta Torpeda was too much for Betty Beatdown’s famously wily jamming to overcome, and Terrors jammer Rosie the Rioter had a much easier path through the pack, putting up a back-breaking 14-0 jam in a full two minutes. In those three jams, the Terrors had gone on a 31-0 run, taking a dangerously growing deficit to an insurmountable lead. The bout would end on the next jam, and the Terrors would get their names on the Donaghy Cup for the second year in a row. Final score was Night Terrors 89, Speed Regime 73.

Joy Collision looks on as teammate Minerva Vavoom celebrates the Terrors’ win. Photo credit: epmd_derby

Joy Collision led all scorers with 32 points on 6 jams, while Psycho78 led the Regime with 23 points on 8 jams. Joy Collision also owned the stats for jammer point differential (+24) and lead jammer percentage (taking it on 5 out of 6 jams.) With her performance in this game, Joy sent a new CCRG record for lead jammer percentage — over the course of the season, she picked up lead on 76 percent of her jams. For the first and only time in CCRG history, a team managed to make it all the way through a bout without picking up a major — the Night Terrors were given 77 minors and no majors (although Dr. Skabs was ejected for accumulating 16 of those minors) while the Speed Regime had 69 minors and 3 majors. In another rare occurrence, it was the losing team that most often got lead jammer status, with the Speed Regime taking it on 12 of 26 jams while the Night Terrors nabbed it on just 9 of 26. The Night Terrors end their season 6-1, and the Speed Regime ends theirs 5-2.

Additional reporting: Concealed Carrie

(Justice Feelgood Marshall remains weirded out by talking about himself in the third person, but the standards of journalism demand it and he is nothing if not a Serious Journalist.)

In a 20 minute men’s exhibition, the New York Shock Exchange meted out some severe punishment to the Harm City Homicide, opening up with 36 unanswered points on their way to a rout of the home team, 97-14.

From the first couple of jams it was apparent that the Homicide might be in some trouble, as leadoff Shock Exchange jammer Jonathan R lapped leadoff Homicide jammer Justice Feelgood Marshall twice in an opening 10-0, and Gordon Gekko added a few more with a 13-0 over Virginia Slim on Jam 2. By the time the Shock Exchange’s Rinkworm jumped on the pile by adding a 13-0 of his own on Jam 3, it was 36-0 and it seemed possible that the Homicide might not get on the board at all — however, when Gordon Gekko went to the box during his opening pass in Jam 4, the Homicide blockers seemed to have much more success focusing on offense, allowing Homicide jammer Justice Feelgood Marshall to get the crowd riled up with an 11-0 jam that brought the score to 36-11. The Homicide managed to keep the next couple of jam scores close, as Jonathan R called off a quick 4-0 over a rapidly closing Virginia Slim and Rinkworm had to do the same on a 1-0, bringing the score to Shock Exchange 41, Homicide 11 with about 10 minutes left in the bout.

Harm City Homicide’s Carpe Demon tries to line up a shot on Shock Exchange jammer Rinkworm. Photo credit: epmd_derby

It proved to be only a short respite, though, and Shock Exchange would drop their 3 biggest jams as the 20 minutes came to an end. Gordon Gekko ran up a big 14-0 on Virginia Slim, and while Justice Feelgood Marshall got a few more points on the board for Homicide on the following jam, it still went to the Shock Exchange overall as Jonathan R won a 7-3 jam that made the score Shock Exchange 62, Homicide 14. New York pulled out an entirely new weapon here, letting Teen Wolf take a trip to the jammer line against Deustch Bag, and Teen Wolf was able to put up 14 more points with the help of a trip to the box by Deustch Bag. On the bout’s final jam, Deustch Bag passed the helmet star to Justice Feelgood Marshall upon being released from the box, but no sooner had Justice started his opening pass that he found himself sent to the penalty box on a truly unique cutting track major. Without a Homicide jammer on the track, Gordon Gekko was able to drop 5 point lap after 5 point lap against a tiring Homicide defense, and by the time the penalty was over Gekko had already put up 21 points. Justice was able to get the hometown crowd to blow up one more time when Gekko, incorrectly believing that the bout was ending on the period clock rather than the jam clock, began prematurely celebrating to the crowd and left himself open for a blindside hit, but the Homicide would not be able to put any more points on the board.

Gordon Gekko led the Shock Exchange with a remarkable 48 points in 4 jams, notching an average of 12 points per jam, while Justice Feelgood Marshall was the offensive output for Homicide with 14. Homicide was given 47 minors and 1 major, while Shock Exchange got 31 minors and 2 majors. New York took lead jammer on 9 of the 10 jams of the period, while Homicide only pulled it once; there were no jams with no lead jammer.